


Captain & To-Be Captain

by letusridetodestiny



Category: Star Trek 2009, Star Trek Reboot, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, Multi, a lot of quotes from that film, julie and julia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-17
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-20 10:59:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 33,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/886466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letusridetodestiny/pseuds/letusridetodestiny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have fallen madly in love Star Trek and the pairing Spirk and after watching the film Julie and Julia an idea dawned on me to write this story. I am not sure of my writing skills or anything and I have not revised because I lack the ability to know what I'm doing when revising. So here is some random things that I am sure no one will really enjoy but here it will be. So the base story for this story is a student by the name of James T. Kirk discovers a captain whom he shares a name with and they both progressively learn lessons in life with each other and everything. Thanks for wanting to read. Oh and it is slash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Earth History

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Julie and Julia - Film](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/24884) by Julie Powell. 



James T. Kirk’s life seemed to be heading in no direction, he had a boyfriend and a failing education and that was about it. He of course had an apartment but as it was paid for mostly by the Vulcan he called his boyfriend it didn’t really count as his. He had classes almost every day of his life and felt his life was slowly getting more and more out of control as time passed, he wasn’t accepted among his peers as he seemed to be the most optimistic about his future though as his days slowly passed and became worse and worse he was beginning to believe all the harsh things that all other students seemed to be awaiting. Since he was teetering on the edge of sanity every passing day it was the expected for him to return home after a long day and breakdown in front of his emotionless boyfriend. He cried though he wouldn’t admit to a lot of people but as he felt his life was slipping out of his hands he allowed himself the breakdown.

It was some comfort when his boyfriend crouched beside him and wrapped his arms around him in a very human esc fashion and even though Kirk knew it was just because the man was trying to get him to shut up he fell into his arms and closed his eyes. He sobbed silently for a while and tried to imagine the future as it would most likely happen. Him failing his classes, Spock would go off and become a Science Officer or hell maybe he would be captain of a Starship and leave him behind in this fucking apartment for month after month. He wrapped his fingers tightly around the fabric of the man’s clothes and tried to get himself to calm down but very little assisted in making him feel better. At least not until the Vulcan whose arms were wrapped around him patted his shoulder and let out an idea from his lips in his level tone.

“Jim, if you studied previous Starship captains maybe you will become inspired and feel encouraged to continue on the path you have already chosen.” The pointy eared man said as he slowly sat down next to the man who had stopped sobbing but was still letting in heavy breaths and snotty inhales through his nose. Jim didn’t know how the Vulcan always managed to say the right thing for some reason it always worked on him. His level tone and logical answers always gave him a perspective and it inspired him to do great things. He took in one more breath before lifting his head from the man’s arms. 

His face was red from crying and it was unmistakable that he had only recently stopped as the tears were still drying on his cheeks and there were still a few threatening to fall. His blond curls were a mess as he slowly brushed a hand through them, trying to distract himself from the awkward conversation he always felt would come but never escaped the Vulcan’s lips. Maybe that was why he loved Spock, because he never mentioned why he was upset after it happened he handled it and helped Jim put it in the past.  
“Perhaps if you kept a Captain’s Log it would work better for the experiment, and it make serve as a useful tell for future papers.” Spock gave another suggestion in his tone that only irritated Kirk after they get in an argument. He took in a breath as he looked at the man’s brown eyes and nodded slightly to try and show he appreciated the idea that Spock was setting forward.

“I can keep a Captain’s Log. I have thoughts just like any other captain out there.” Jim said looking at his boyfriend once more before picking himself up off the floor. He paused for a moment to survey the area where he had himself fully crash and burn. He frowned around the kitchen as he placed his hands on his hips and watched the fly that had made his way into his kitchen dance around the dishes that were stacked in the sink. He had chosen the worst room to have his breakdown in he thought as he looked at the Vulcan on the floor who was picking himself up off the floor. Jim sighed and extended a hand towards the man realizing what an awful boyfriend he had been at that moment.  
Once his boyfriend was up on his feet once more he wrapped his arms tightly around the man’s waist. Jim let himself enjoy that warmth for a moment before he began to search their apartment for his tablet which he could use to record his captain’s log. He threw a couples pillows off their bed and looked on their bookcase even though most of the books belonged to Spock he sometimes had a habit of putting his things on it and that was where he found his tablet. He smiled widely before making his way over to the Vulcan and stretched two fingers towards him. Once he received the proper return gesture he made his way out of the apartment and through the school’s courtyard to the library where he would study some old starship captains where he guessed he was expecting to find some ultimate wisdom.  
~~

“Captain’s Log, after another breakdown caused by my horrible grades and lack of qualifying grades for a future as a Starship captain, my boyfriend Spock found my crying like a small emotionally disturbed child and then prompted for me to take up my time by studying some past starship captain’s which is where I am heading now. Kirk out.” Kirk said as he walked on the grass of the academy and walked right into the library where he quickly found the books he needed to study past Starfleet captains. 

After much time he was growing more and more bored, he was interested in the history but none of the captains screamed to him that they were ever in the same situation that was when he came across a familiar name; a real familiar name. He ran his finger over the spelling again to make sure he had seen it right the first time but after three times of reading it over he found that it was the real name and now he had found one interesting captain that he wouldn’t mind studying. He checked out the book and several others he had found in the library about that particular captain and his life and made his way back to his shared apartment.  
“Captain’s log, I have discovered after countless hours of monotonous searching a captain that has stroked an interest in me because not only did he run one of the most populous and high-tech ship in his time his name matches my perfectly, James T. Kirk, captain of the USS Enterprise. I kind of like the sound of that. Kirk out.” Kirk said as he walked back to his apartment to tell Spock of what he had found which he was actually really excited about. 

He grinned the entire way back and when he finally made it back to his apartment he dropped the books on the table and made his way to the Vulcan who was reading a book on the couch. He sat down next to the man grinning as the alien slowly put down his book and looked at him with raised brows. He knew the Vulcan was expecting something from me and he knew it was because he could read him like a book and therefore knew when he really really wanted to tell him something.

“You will never guess what captain I found, Captain James T. Kirk, and oh his first officer Spock. I mean, that is like a match made in heaven for us.” He said grinning at the Vulcan who nodded slowly before looking at the stack of books on the table. He smiled as he knew the alien’s curiosity was peeked. The raven haired man stood up and made his way over to the books.  
~~  
The Enterprise was a nice fit for the Captain at least that is what Jim thought as he walked down the metal walls of his new ship. He walked a steady pace and thought about the words the alien ambassadors had said about him being captain. He was trying to dissuade them but now it seemed so hard to do. His life didn’t ever seem like it was spent trying to impress someone but after he had been given such an honor as to captain this ship and care for all the people on it he felt he needed to impress to make up for the amazing thing that had happened to him. He left his duties early signing off reports in his room as he waited for the one person that could calm him down after he was beginning to feel himself getting emotional. 

As if on cue a familiar Vulcan walked into his room, of course Jim could just call it their room because they had been sharing the same bed for some time. Not sexually as Spock seemed to be on the fence about that but that didn’t mean Kirk couldn’t wrap his arms around the alien’s shoulders and feel the much higher temperature of the Vulcan warm him. Spock seemed to immediately sense something was off in the room as he turned looking at the yellow shirt sitting in the room.

“You should have seen those ambassadors today, Spock, they were all talking to me like I was some child only given this ship to shut me up.” He said standing up and making his way over to the blue shirt that didn’t react much to the steps that were drawing closer to him. Jim took in a breath and tried to stop himself from feeling emotional but he guessed it wasn’t one of those days he could have perfect control over his emotions like the Vulcan. 

“Jim, it is understandable why you would be upset as they should not be talking down to you, but you are one of the youngest captains that Starfleet has had and that should be considered an honor.” Spock said simply in his level tone while placing a hand on the crook of Jim’s neck making the captain smile. Any small hint that they were in a relationship made him smile and anytime that Spock initiated them made them ten times better. He smiled widely at the man feeling much better now that he had his Vulcan with him. 

“Thanks, Spock.” He said before placing a kiss on the man’s cheek. He smiled slightly before looking around his room for something that the two of them could do. He guessed just talking would suffice for that moment. He moved away from the Vulcan and sat down on the bed and patted the seat next to him before relaying his entire day for his first officer who was present for most of it but it didn’t stop the Vulcan from taking a seat and listening to every word that left the captain’s lips.  
~~  
To Be Continued


	2. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A alien planet filled with foreign aliens who are a danger to the other inhabitants of the planet and a belorun slug are the problems the Kirks have to deal with and how will they handle it?

Kirk watched the view screen; his eyes focusing on the little specks of stars that zoomed past the screen as they travelled at Warp 3 to their next destination and mission. The bridge was calm as they traversed the galaxy. The captain was sitting comfortably in his captain’s chair still tasting the replicator chicken sandwich he had had for lunch in his teeth. He tapped his fingers on the armrests as a way to distract himself from the unsettling calm that they were feeling at that current moment. It wasn’t something of an unexpected boredom as Starfleet had neglected to give them any actual mission other than surveying uninhabited planets for possible new home worlds for the growing population in the wide cosmos that was space. 

An unsettling cool came into the bridge which made Jim direct his attention to the first officer who was watching his science station with the same amount of focus he normally had on his job. He smiled to himself as a small swelling of happiness grew in his gut as he thought of the first officer in the fondest light he could which wasn’t hard to do. The Vulcan hadn’t been a surprise to the captain as he was trained to think of any circumstance and the Vulcan being an excellent first officer wasn’t a surprise but their romantic relationship definitely was. Jim didn’t think about how lucky he was much as he felt now that it was just everything he had already and Spock fit in perfectly to his perfect life. He smiled to himself as he thought about how he should tell the man later of his undying affection for him. 

The whirling of the machinery around them slowly quieted as the voice of his communications officer Uhura spoke to him, her voice clear and strong in the midst of the loud machines and chatty officers. He always enjoyed speaking with Uhura as she had that strong sense of pride that couldn’t be taken away and of course she deserved it she was clever and was one of the brightest communication officers he had met. She definitely fit well on the Enterprise. “Sir, we are getting a transmission from Starfleet, shall I patch it through?” she spoke messing with her ear piece before directing her attention to the console in front of her to continue with her work. His blond hair was moved slightly as he directed his attention to her and her hair was dark and pulled into a professional looking up-do. 

“Yes, Uhura, to the view screen, if you could.” He said turning away from his coffee skin colored communications officer and to the view screen where the glistening stars of space slowly faded as a transmission from Starfleet came into view. He straightened himself up as a commanding officer came into view. It was a habit of his to puff his chest up to look larger to people who commanded respect, it was an off action which he still didn’t fully understand but to this very day he hadn’t done much to trying a stop it. It wasn’t long after the blurry image on the screen cleared to show his commanding officer seated in a comfortable seat in front of a window that showed half of San Francisco. Kirk smiled faintly at it feeling an off wanting to be home as he watched the crowded streets outside before he looked back at the man in the screen who seemed to be waiting to greet him.

“Captain Kirk, we have a new assignment for yourself and your ship, if you wish to take it. After the U.S.S. Yenhin returned from studying the planet F7Y3 in the Helenor galaxy they found half of the planet is a hostage to another alien force. You must try speaking reasonably with these kidnappers and if all fails you must destroy them. ” The man said grimly as he watched the blond. Kirk slowly felt himself sinking as he thought about the lives that he would have to end if he couldn’t extend peace to these aliens and get them to keep it. He sighed and looked shakily over his controls before back at the man. He definitely didn’t feel confident in this mission but it would need to be undertaken, as if it wasn’t him it would be someone else. 

“Yes, sir, we will head there once we receive the coordinates.” He said nodding at the screen before standing up from his comfortable captain’s chair. He wasn’t exactly feeling like relaxing much more now as his mind would drift to his mission and the two alternative endings it could have. He ran a hand through his blond hair and looked at his yeoman in hope of them having some form for him to need to sign to distract him but she had nothing. He frowned, his head drifting to look at his first officer who was standing with his arms placed behind his back in a way that conveyed much confidence in him. He smiled and tried to think of the logical point of view of this mission which Spock would most definitely have. 

“We are transmitting them now, captain. Starfleet out.” The man said before the sight of the man and the sight of Kirk’s home was taken from him and replaced with the never ending view of stars. He sighed heavily and looked around his crew mates who were adjusting many gears which he was positive didn’t actually need their close attention. He frowned and made his way over to the helmsmen in front of him who were calculating the new route to the planet where either a whole bunch of the aliens would live or he would have to kill a majority of them. 

“Follow the coordinates and tell me when we are close, Spock, with me, please.” He said as he turned his attention to the first officer who raised his brows but followed him into the elevator nonetheless. Kirk took in a breath and watched the man with a large amount of interest; mostly because he was still curious about Vulcans. They felt emotion but suppressed it and yet Spock had openly expressed his feelings for him. He shook his mind of the thoughts and returned to the topic he actually wanted to speak about. What did his first officer, love, and friend think of their current situation?   
~~  
Jim looked blankly at the paper on his desk, his pencil drumming on the side as he watched the pink eraser hit the paper slowly before bouncing back up and soon would return. He felt tired after a night of reading about his past self as he was now calling the captain who happened to share his name. Spock didn’t seem to enjoy it as much as he did but it made him feel more at peace with what he had decided to do with his life at that current moment. Jim felt the air in the room get heated up as the professor began speaking along with the fact it grew ten times boringer. He let out a sigh before dragging his eyes to look at the aged man in front of the class.

The class was mostly about life outside of the norm for earth. That means they spoke of odder aliens than Vulcans and Orions. Jim thought it was interesting in a sense he didn’t want to take a class on it but as his friend Leonard McCoy seemed to have an interest to see how other species’ bodies ticked he was stuck in the class listening to boring lectures on things he had no particular interest for. He guessed it would qualify as a biology class he thought as he placed his pencil on his upper lip and slowly pushed his lip up to distract himself from the speaking about an unexplained alien life that was discovered once many years ago but after one ship investigated and another was sent to confront the issue they were gone and so was the ship. He sighed and made notes on random words that the professor was saying and surprisingly they always ending up being the same words every class. Alien, unexplained, space, organs, and exciting (Though Jim thought only the professor actually thought it was exciting). 

“-Which brings me to a fun homework assignment I will have you all participating in in the next week. You will have to dissect a live specimen, don’t worry they will not go extinct. They are Belorun slugs which are taking over the home world of the Beloruns and they were happy enough to give them to us. Though a warning these creatures can be very feisty. Now let’s speak about some applied biology for these creatures spinal system.” The professor said simply before going on a long rant though it was completely lost on the student who was staring straight ahead at the wall which now seemed to be the only refuge he had from the murdering he was going to have to do later in the week.  
Jim didn’t understand why they would have to kill a creature in order to understand the way its body worked, and it definitely didn’t make sense that a whole class had to dissect multiple. He frowned and ran a hand through his hair as he thought about the creature that he was going to have to destroy for no reason. He sighed and began to write on his paper. ‘Murderer. It doesn’t matter if it is dumber than you it is still murder.’ He frowned at the words he wrote, he didn’t know why this was so hard for him to accept. He let out a groan and soon tried to find another process to distract himself from the idea of dissecting an innocent animal.

Eventually the class was over much to Kirk’s delight and he rushed out the building. Its glass walls and doors added to the futuristic feel that Starfleet was projecting as their mission to explore unexplored space and to bring peace to all alien races of any kind. He sighed as he quickened his pace to a light sprint as he tried to get to his and Spock’s apartment before the man left for work. He needed to talk with him about this. He wanted his point of view on it.   
~~  
‘It’s still murder.’ played in Jim’s head as if the sound was a broken record from the 20th century. He took in a breath as the small metal box began to take them towards the captain’ quarters where he would try and take a nap for the following day’s events. He felt the air in the bridge was much too difficult to breathe after he had received his order. The idea didn’t sit well with him but he knew he must follow orders so he turned to the body that was sharing the air in the small room with him, his first officer. He smiled slightly at the green tinted skin and brown eyes. He swore the Vulcan had the best facial features a human or alien could have. 

He ran a hand over his eyes as he looked at the floor examining the pattern less metal that adorned most of the ships floors. Jim sighed before looking up once more into the eyes of his love, Spock. He felt safe there and wanted to feel the relief that he was hoping the alien would be able to give him but as the man was as emotionless as the pole he was gripping to direct them to their destination. He knew the Vulcan could feel he just chose not to accept those feeling or show them and maybe that was why he was fighting so hard to keep the man at his side for as long as he could manage. 

“Spock, what do you think of our current mission?” he asked keeping his hand tightly wrapped around the metal control that he hoped wouldn’t break under his tight grip. He was used to having to make large decisions but he couldn’t think about the lives that were in his hands now. He had the inhabitants of the planet, the kidnappers, and his crew all on his mind and he couldn’t stand the idea that he would fail and more people would die than what would be good for the world which was no death so it was possible that he would fail the mission in his own eyes. 

“It is a relatively simple one, captain, save the hostages and attempt to bring peace to the planet and have it be under the name of Starfleet.” Spock said simply in his even tone as his arm muscles flexed in the blue fabric of his sleeves which were behind his back as was the Vulcan’s normal stance when addressing almost anyone on the ship. Kirk found it funny to see the man in this stance trying to project a sense of professionalism towards him which he definitely had but Kirk couldn’t help but imagine Spock in the most compromising position and it slowly makes him lose what his initial thought is. 

Kirk rubbed his brow in frustration in himself, the situation, and the Vulcan in front of him who couldn’t grasp what he was having trouble understanding. He swallowed and tried to calm his self, this situation really wasn’t helping any stress he was feeling previously before this mission was brought to him. He missed his stress free student years. They seemed so much easier than these life or death situations. The yellow shirt took in a breath in a final attempt to calm his self; he spoke to himself in his mind. ‘This is what you were trained to deal with. It is perfectly alright to feel stressed just don’t let your crew see you worrying.’ 

“But what about if we fail that part, what if the kidnappers do not want peace and we have to fire. We will be killing a whole other species of alien, Spock. Isn’t that murder in a certain sense?” he said with a heavy breath he was feeling like the fate of the entire world depended on him and in a way it kind of did. The small elevator was nothing compared to the planet that they would be arriving to in a day or so. It was full of life unlike the two beings that were in this elevator. He frowned as he looked at his feet before up at his Vulcan counterpart. 

The no response from the Vulcan worried him. Jim thought he must be thinking he was insane, he definitely wasn’t thinking in his normal level headed process but he was never in a situation like this before. It was the first time that he and all of Starfleet would be speaking to this new alien race and their lives were in Kirk’s hands and it felt like too much pressure. 

“Captain, it is in your mindset to be worried about the best for all parties and this is why the mission was sent to us. There is a possibility that the kidnappers will not comply with our laws but if they do not comply you will have the upper-hand to end the suffering of the other aliens in a safe way for both. You have the compassion that is required for a mission like this, Jim.” Spock said not in a human tone but Kirk couldn’t help but feel consoled by the words that seemed very human. He smiled slightly at the Vulcan’s perfect haircut. He always wondered what the hell Spock used to cut his hair but no conversation seemed to lead to it. 

Jim smiled slightly looking at the control for the elevator waiting for it to finally arrive at his destination which seemed to take forever. He wondered if the ride seemed longer because of the stress from his and the Vulcan’s relationship, he looked at the man and thought of the kisses that he may or may have not placed on the man’s lips. In the eyes of Starfleet they were not in a relationship as it was against the laws for higher ups to be in relationships with each other as it caused favoritism among the crew but the kissed he placed on the man’s lips seemed too real in his mind. He smiled faintly to himself as he looked away from the green tinted skin of the Vulcan and towards the doors which he was expecting to open soon. 

“Thank you, Mr. Spock; your words helped me a lot. They sounded much like a human friend’s on earth.” He joked smirking at the Vulcan who raised his brows in response before the slowly lowered as he realized the man was joking. Jim and learned that Spock did have a humor it was just one that was catered to by very slim amount of jokes that he spoke. The joke he just played was not one he cared for but he knew the man would play along to please the captain. He heard the sound of the small box loading up the chime for when they arrived on their floor. Jim took in a breath looking at his first officer before extending two fingers towards him. 

“It is my duty to clarify your mission for you, captain. I am pleased my service was acceptable.” Spock said simply but he return of the gesture spoke millions of words to Jim. He smiled at the man’s word and then turned his attention to the doors which were slowly opening. He shook his head before releasing his grip on the lever and turned one last time to Spock who was standing with his arms placed behind his back. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t throw statistics at me though, what are those likelihoods that the aliens will fight us?” he asked leaving the small metal box with a grin on his face. He turned to look at the Vulcan who turned the lever and soon Kirk was left alone in the hall wondering the question he had just joked about. What was the likelihood that the aliens would fight their laws? He took in a breath, feeling the stress building up once more. Why hadn’t Spock given him the statistics? It was possible he knew how it was going to end up and he didn’t want to stress the captain anymore. It was plausible, the Vulcan had shown concern for him already but it was his duty to tell him those things and Vulcan’s couldn’t lie. 

 

His words did nothing to lessen the stress that was building up though. His mind filled with thoughts of the death of the alien kidnappers that would most likely fight Starfleet and cause their own death but their blood wouldn’t be on their own hands it would be on his. He rubbed his brow and then began walking to his quarters hoping to find there something to relieve his stress.   
~~  
Kirk ran across the green courtyard, there were bicyclists as somehow everything is now electronic and yet there still are those two wheeled man powered vehicles. He sighed at the entire existence of bikes as they seemed to cause more damage than good. He ran into a few but dodged the majority of the bicyclists. He wished he had missed more of the study groups though as one had his best friend, Bones McCoy who was rather pissed he had stepped on his biochemistry book and tore out one or two pages as he began to chase him. Kirk wasn’t paying much attention though his mind was still filled with the thoughts of killing an innocent creature next week. He let out heavy breaths as he dodged the hover cars while crossing the road though one almost got him but eventually he was there. The small apartment he shared with his boyfriend, it was tiny but he enjoyed it. There were only three different rooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room/bedroom. It was small and sometimes uncomfortable but he enjoyed that about it. 

He let out a tired breath he wasn’t much of a runner but he might have given track a run for their money with that small run he had just completed. He walked up the stairs rather slowly know he would run into the Vulcan if he was going to work at that moment. It was soon decided to be a bad idea as foot after foot and fleet and fleet killed him slowly more. He groaned once he reached his floor and he almost fell onto his door but after a few heavy breaths he got the energy to grab his key and go into the apartment where he would probably find his boyfriend getting his tie on or grabbing his suitcase. Kirk loved seeing him in his suit, it was a rather attractive look on the Vulcan and if they had gotten to having sex he could think of a few role plays he would like to do with it. 

Kirk shook his head as he tried to get back to the matter at hand as he unlocked the door after using the wrong key twice and letting out an aggravated swear for both and then turning the actual key the wrong direction and almost snapping it. He got in eventually and looked around the apartment for any sign of his Vulcan boyfriend. He felt he would need the man more than ever now and he guessed it was because the Vulcan somehow always had an emotional yet unemotional take on situations that helped calm him. 

Their apartment seemed to be quiet but Kirk knew that the Vulcan could be very quiet if he wanted to be so he shut the door loudly to signal he was home. He looked around the apartment for a sign of the man. He looked around at the walls which were adorned with Spock’s awards mostly. He had already graduated from Starfleet academy and had received a large amount of awards in the process. His choices of decorations were not as pride filling as the Vulcan’s. He had one award for perfect attendance in one class but almost everyone received one as was the professor’s teaching method to keep all students satisfied and happy, and he had a very slim amount of metals from sports he contributed in when he was younger but they were all he had to compete with his boyfriend’s. 

It was then he heard a soft mumble of words come from by the bedroom area, he furrowed his brow and looked over towards their shared bed where he saw his boyfriend playing with the buttons of his suit skimming over the area where Kirk had entered before noticing he was there. The Vulcan raised his brows at the sudden appearance of Jim because usually he was gone by the time he came home and that was because Jim normally stopped to talk with people and study a bit in the library but today was more important he needed the advice of one of the only people he trusted in the world. 

“Jim, why are you home so early today? Usually I am at work by the time you arrive home.” Spock said as he finished messing with his button and came over to the blond who looked much more shabby than he did. Jim was wearing a threadbare hoodie with a symbol from his high school that looked a bit too large on him but that was because it was his brother Sam’s who was now studying to become a research biologist. He was always proud of his brother in a sense that he had done something with his life after their childhood but Jim felt he could have chosen something a bit more exciting to do with his life. He pulled at the edges of his hoodie as he looked up once more at the Vulcan’s face that was watching him with a look of curiosity. The suit did look amazing on the man and it took almost all he had not to stroke the man’s chest to get the idea of how well the man filled the suit. 

“In my biology class we are going to have to dissect an animal and I was thinking just how inhumane that was. I am worried that it would qualify as murder and I don’t know if I could handle that, I mean I haven’t been able to handle a lot sense I started at Starfleet but I am worried that killing this creature will just add on and I won’t be able to handle anymore. Help me.” He said quickly and not realizing how quickly the words left his lips until the Vulcan raised his brows and took in a breath. He took in three slow breaths as he watched Spock in front of him who was apparently decided what to do. 

“Jim, I fear I must be heading to work in two minutes to arrive without delaying my work. I will be home around six o’clock with dinner and then we can speak about this problem. Will that be acceptable?” Spock asked in his level tone. Jim gave a face of distaste because he didn’t agree with this he wanted the man to stay home and give him some advice and to maybe cuddle and he didn’t know he wanted comfort right now and he wasn’t going to find it in the apartment alone. He did a small jump before swallowing. He knew he couldn’t keep the man from his work as he was the only one paying for the roof over their heads and the food they ate. He took in a breath a nodded before looking at the floor. He felt downhearted that now he was have to spend forever alone in the apartment just trying to find things to pass the time until he was able to actually talk about what he was worried about. 

It was then he noticed two fingers being extended towards him, he smiled slightly the fact the man had initiated it making a large difference in his happiness. It always made him happy when the man helped him and now just by extending him those two fingers he felt he was trying to console him thought part of him doubted it would last six hours. He returned the action and felt the small tingle that was expected almost every time they did that. Jim looked up at the Vulcan smiling faintly before the man announced his departure. He nodded and watched as the man grabbed his suitcase and left him alone in the apartment with no other word. 

Kirk looked around the apartment noticing now how large it actually was. He frowned and made his way over to the couch where he would hopefully be able to feel some relief from his stress. He took in a breath and sat down while watching the wall across from him with a minimum amount of interest. He felt that this project was going to defy who he was as a person he was either a humane person who cared for all people or a slug killing monster. He let out a groan before lying own with a soft thud. He closed his eyes and tried to distract himself but after five minutes he was still lying there thinking about what it would do to himself. 

His small pity party was cut short by three loud thuds on the door. He looked suspiciously over at it before picking himself and walking over to the chipped door. He wished Spock were here he thought as he opened the door to find an angry McCoy glaring at him with what look like all his might. Jim’s expression turned from a dull sad to a look of fear as the doctor-in-training lunged at him. He dodged him quickly and soon the man was in his apartment showing him a book. He figured it was the one he had broken when he ran all the way to his apartment to get a conversation with Spock he didn’t receive. 

“Look at this, Jim, you see this book it cost me 300 credits and you know now I am missing a portion of that money because you decided to run and rip my book!” Bones said loudly shaking the book so that Jim would look at it more and he guessed he wanted him to show a more distraught look at the book he had torn two pages out of. Unfortunately Jim didn’t feel up to it at the moment, he was upset and honestly all he wanted now that he couldn’t talk to his boyfriend was to get a drink. 

“I’ll pay you back to two credits or you could tear one of my books but I’m going to get a drink, do you want to join me?” he asked simply which seemed to surprise the man as he furrowed his brow and looked around the apartment he guessed probably looking for Spock, who of course wasn’t here. He sighed before turning to leave.   
“Jim, you do realize it is like noon? And what does Spock say about this? I mean it is his money you are using.” Bones asked locking the door behind the two of them with Kirk’s keys. Jim glared as he expected the small jingly items to be returned to him but the man kept. He sighed and kept walking not feeling like explaining himself to the man who only a few moments ago was yelling at him. He guessed he should be used to it as the man was normally like that. He sighed once more as the steps seemed to grow longer.   
“I am positive about this, Bones, and Spock didn’t say anything because he is at work-“he said loud enough for the dark haired man to hear. “-which is much more important than me.” He said quieter mostly to please his own desire to be angry at his boyfriend who really didn’t deserve it but he was upset, angry and possibly hungry right now and he wanted someone to blame. 

The two of them walked to the nearest bar which wasn’t far from Spock and his apartment which Kirk was glad for because the taste of beer soon became needed for him to live quickly. He took the drink and immediately pressed the glass to his lips while his friend ordered his own drink. He looked around the bar taking in the atmosphere which seemed to be rustic as not a lot of the decoration matched. It all seemed like something from a 20th century country bar which he guessed he could appreciate. He took a seat at the bar and waited for McCoy to join him which he eventually did. 

It must have been several hours later, 5 beers, and a lot of embarrassing conversations with Bones later when the doctor-to-be seemed to think it was time to leave and return him home. His conversations were still playing over in his head. He guessed the first thing he spoke about was what was really happening and stressing him out which he didn’t remember the words Bones told him as everything now seemed to be a blur of words. He could remember having a conversation about how he and Spock hadn’t had sex yet and how he was upset about that but that conversation wasn’t stuck with for long. 

Kirk stumbled closely to the body of the man as he felt much colder than he had before. He felt his eyelids were trying to pull themselves off his face as he walked, he placed a hand over them to keep them from removing himself but all that caused was him to run into a pole and have his friend call him an idiot. It was dark from what he could tell and the walk to his apartment seemed much longer than it had when they had first gotten there. 

Eventually they reached the familiar building which he recalled he lived in. He smiled widely and began to walk up the stairs without the assistance of the doctor though that idea soon backfired as he almost fell and began clinging to the railing. Bones let out a huff of laughter but it was soon turned into a groan of agitation when the man wouldn’t release his grip on the rail. 

“Dammit, Jim! Let it go, do you want to get to your bed because we have to climb a few more steps and I personally want to sleep.” Bones said loudly as he pulled at the blond’s hips. Slowly Kirk released his fingers and Bones began helping him to his apartment. Kirk was either really helpful or a complete a useless limp body while he walked up the stairs but eventually he had gotten there. Leonard dragged the man to the apartment where he began to fumble with the keys to get them into the hole. He swore as he tried the next key and the next and eventually he got it. 

Bones opened the door dragging the man who was mumbling about space monkeys into it, he was caught by surprise when he heard the familiar voice of Spock letting out an exclamation of Jim’s name. Bones felt his own stomach drop as he heard the call, it sounded like one of desperation like the man was one step close to calling the police and filing a missing person report. He looked up apologetically at the Vulcan whose expression didn’t convey any worry as he looked at the scene playing out in front of him.  
“I’m sorry, I came over and he said he wanted to go drinking. I didn’t want him going alone.” He said with a heavy breath after carrying the man up the stairs. Bones surveyed the apartment in which his best friend and his boyfriend lived in. He never spent much time there but it was easy to notice how little it changed. As now there were the same books on the bookshelf, the same pictures on the walls, it looked like the same dishes in the sink but one thing he noticed was changed was on the coffee table Spock had set up a small meal for the two of them. He frowned even more barely noticing the Vulcan walk over to pick up his boyfriend who was now singing an off- key version of some ancient song. 

“It is alright, Leonard, I thank you for keeping an eye on him. Have a good night.” Spock said simply before giving his attention to his boyfriend who was cuddling close to the warmth that the Vulcan was giving off. Bones smiled faintly at the scene before taking his leave with a wishing of a good night. He walked down the stairs and hoped he would get to his dorm before he felt too tired.   
~~  
Spock looked at the body in his arms, he knew that Kirk was upset but he thought he could wait for him instead of slipping into old habits that frankly were not very good for him. Spock was upset he couldn’t wait for him but he wouldn’t show it, he was at least safe. He let out a breath as he brought him over to the bed and slowly began to remove his clothes so he could get some rest and hopefully it would help with the hangover the man would be feeling tomorrow. 

The apartment he suspected would need some cleaning now as their dinner was now ruined and he suspected Kirk already spoke away all his problems with the man Kirk had said was training to become a doctor. He made his way over to the two plates one was set up with a large amount of green leaves and vegetables while the other had a rather cold looking burger. He placed both of the items back in their respective bags and listened to the mumblings of his boyfriend. It wasn’t calming and it wasn’t out of the norm either. Jim used to go out a lot before he got more serious about his studies he was just worried about the man’s health other all as the man seemed to have a larger chance of liver disease of he kept drinking in such large quantities. 

He soon placed the bags away in the fridge for dinner or lunch some other day. He wouldn’t eat he could survive without it until the morning. He brushed his lips as he looked over the dishes trying to decide if it was a good idea to do them now or not. There was a large amount but he wasn’t in much of a hurry to join his boyfriend on the bed.   
“Spock!” Jim shouted from the bed making Spock throw away any inkling to do the dishes and go to the blond’s side. Spock looked the man over and placed a cautious hand on his hip as he knelt down to look the man in the eyes. The student smiled at him with a genuine affection though it seemed like it ached him to smile. Spock let out a breath feeling the swelling in his stomach he felt whenever around the man. He brought a hand up and stroked his face trying to show his affection in the only way he thought acceptable. 

“Are you coming to bed soon?” Jim asked quietly his smile still remaining on his face as he asked the question. Spock looked towards the kitchen before picking himself up. Maybe he was trying to punish the man before and stay away from him but now he couldn’t leave him, he seemed so tired. He took in a calm breath. He looked towards his dressed and made his way over to the small wooden box that held his and Kirk’s clothing. He pulled out a pair of sleep pants and began to change; ignoring the weak wolf whistle he received from the man on the bed. 

Once Spock was fully dressed in his pajamas he strode over to the bed and pulled himself under the covers and pulled them over the blond who was just sleeping on top of it. He received a small grumble of discomfort from the man but he soon inched closer to him making it easier for him to wrap a hand around his waist. Spock took in a breath and smelt the alcohol on the man, it made him want to frown but he didn’t. He didn’t show emotion. 

“I don’t want to be a monster, Spock.” Kirk said in a soft mumble as he slowly began to cover his blue eyes with his eyelids. Spock took in a breath and closed his eyes slowly. He moved himself closer to the blond and placed a kiss on his back. It was an odd feeling for the Vulcan as he had done it rarely before dating the human who seemed to like them. He hoped it would bring some comfort to his boyfriend. 

“You will not be, Jim, even if you have to end the life of the slug next week you will remain yourself because that is what you are, you will remain heartbroken and therefore remain yourself. Don’t forget that, Jim.” He said softly as he listened to the breaths of the man. He wished he could find more time to spend with the man but between Jim’s classes and his work it was almost impossible at least he had this moment tonight. 

~~  
They were slowly drawing nearer to the planet and Jim felt his nerves slowly growing worse and worse as they drew closer. He could barely handle his shaking hands as he pulled on the yellow shirt the morning they were supposed to arrive on the new found planet that carried new life forms they were to offer peace to after saving them from the kidnappers. Kirk took in a nervous breath as he looked himself over in the mirror of his room. He was wondering if he looked professional. If anyone else came to see him he would look like his normal confident self but the captain felt he was slipping. In the mirror he thought he looked tired and confused nothing like a captain was supposed to look. The cold air of his room sent a chill through his body which dissuaded his attention from the mirror and to his bed where his phaser and communicator lay for the ground mission later. 

Kirk took in a breath and sucked in his gut in a way to try and make himself feel more confident. He sighed and released his gut watching it barely move the fabric underneath it. He felt so worn out now, he had barely been captain now and it was as if he was losing it already. He didn’t want to feel himself slipping already. No, that was not what captains were made of. He placed the weapon and the communicator to his black belt and exited his room, which was decorated neatly with his awards and accomplishments in his eyes.   
The metal halls of his ship used to warm him because the Enterprise was practically his child but now they seemed so detached and cold. He watched the grey walls with a small amount of melancholy. He hoped he wouldn’t feel like this much longer because he didn’t want to portray a sad attempt of a captain towards the aliens they were about to encounter. He took in a nervous breath as he entered the elevator and grasped a hand on the lever to take him to the bridge where he would survey the arrival to the planet.   
His slow descent to madness was interrupted by a familiar blue shirt coming into the elevator calmly before the doors closed behind him. Kirk looked the Vulcan over, he looked like he was feeling no stress from their current mission and hell he might not be feeling anything about the mission, it could just be him. He smiled faintly up at his first officer who stood closely to him as they made their way up to the bridge. Kirk was surprised by this action as the elevator was small but there was enough space for the Vulcan to be somewhere where he would have more space but all in all he didn’t mind. The close proximity to his love helped relieve a small amount of his stress. 

“Jim, I understand your stress about this situation but you will handle it well, I know it, and even if you do not be aware that my and your crew’s affection towards you will not change.” Spock said calmly from beside him. Jim took in a breath when he used his name, he didn’t know why he liked it as much as he did but it felt nice coming out of the Vulcan’s lips. He smiled up at the alien who definitely have some height on him. He let out a breath of relief feeling now that he did feel good with his situation now, maybe not all of it but being in this metal box with Spock felt safe and may help him feel more confident with his mission. 

“Thank you, Mr. Spock.” He said extending to fingers to the man who responded quickly but quickly dropped his hand and placed it behind his back when the door slid open revealed their bridge. He smiled at the familiar room, his captain’s chair in the middle being surrounding by all the necessary components and people. It felt good to know that he was in charge of all of these things and that his crew trusted him to make the right decision for them. Jim then realized he was still standing in the elevator with two fingers extended towards no one. He quickly shook himself and made his way to the captain’s chair with a wide grin feeling more at home in his mission now with the words of Spock and the realization that his crew cared for him.

“Where are we, Mr. Sulu?” he asked as he sat down in his chair and survey the viewer screen where he had been given this mission and where he would soon see the end of it. He took in a breath and took a quick look over at his first officer who was viewing his science station with the utmost care. He nodded towards him before turning to listen to Mr. Sulu’s report.   
~~  
Kirk awoke the next morning with a hammering headache. It felt like someone was trying to peel his brain open but he made it through with his boyfriend who stayed home from work a bit later than he was supposed to to take care of Jim who definitely needed it. The following week Jim was a giant bag of nerves and could barely contain his self and the only solace he found was in reading about Captain James T. Kirk and the dangerous missions he had done and the people he saved from killing. But Jim couldn’t find any peace in that because it wasn’t like the slug he was going to dissect was killing people or doing any damage to anyone other than being annoying because if that was the law he should be being dissected. All in all a majority of his week was spent crying on his bed or the couch or laying on the floor with no emotion. He didn’t want to do this but as it drew nearer it felt like it was going to be required. 

The morning of the dissection Jim woke up two hours early and was up even before Spock which was surprising as the man seemed to run on the least amount of sleep anyone could, he wondered if it was something to do with being Vulcan. He stumbled out of the checkered sheets of their bed with a minimum amount of effort which made him hit the floor with a soft thud. He let out a groan and rolled over onto his back to relieve the pain in his stomach. He assumed they were nerves but it didn’t mean they didn’t hurt.   
He picked himself up from the floor lazily. He arms stretched behind him as he looked at the Vulcan on the bed who had his eyes closed and was sleeping comfortably for what Kirk was thinking about be another hour or two. He made his way over to the small kitchen and moved the food around in their fridge. He didn’t know why they had one, all it held were left overs which stayed in there until they got too old to eat and moldy and then it was thrown out but he guessed they had one on the off chance he felt like he was starving and needed some form of substance.

Their fridge was dirty and nothing was ever placed in a good container to keep it fresh, it was all mostly a mixture of bags and sometimes cups that had soup or some other form of liquid. He pushed past a brown bag from Spock’s favorite place to eat, Jim knew better than to eat from it because it was most likely a salad and he had no interest in that at the moment. Eventually he found what he wanted, a hamburger. He sniffed inside the bag to make sure the contents were fresh before heating it up and heading to the living room with a warm bag of week old dinner. 

Jim sighed as he stuck his hand in the bag and pulled out his burger. He ate slowly as the bag was ten times hotter than he thought it was and it made it almost impossible to eat any of its contents. He whispered to the bag and begged it to cool down but nothing he said worked and he ended up throwing it on the coffee table after finished half of his burger. He sighed and lied down on the couch trying to fall asleep once more. It was then he heard the sound of someone awaking and as there was no one else in his apartment he had some inkling on who it was. He opened one of his eyes to see his boyfriend looking at the spot where he was a few moments before. Jim furrowed his brow as he watched the Vulcan scan the apartment for any sign of him and once he found him he swore he heard a sigh of relief but knowing Spock he would dispute that fact. 

After hearing the squeaking of the springs of Spock and his bed it became clear the dark haired man that filled his mind with dirty thoughts when they shared each other’s warmth came over to him. He let out a soft sigh as he opened his eyes to look up at Spock who raised his brows slightly at him before he crouched to be at eye level with him. Kirk smiled at the small gesture and the one that followed which was him placing a hand on his shoulder in a way to show concern. He let out a small huff of breath as he thought about how much he made his boyfriend go through for him, he was sporadic and he never got food and hell he didn’t even work. He frowned as he thought how useless he actually was to the Vulcan and then a whole new world of nerves burst inside him that he would lose his pointy eared love.

“Jim, I understand your concern about this class assignment but you can handle it. If there is one thing you have proven to about yourself is that you endure. It is one of the many reasons that I show the amount of affection for you that I do.” Spock said and Jim couldn’t help but smile at the words, they made him feel so at peace with the entire situation he was in. He inched closer to the man feeling too comfortable in his current position to ruin it. He nuzzled his way up to the man and pressed a quick peck on the man’s lips.  
“Thank you, Spock.” He said taking a breath as he examined the Vulcan’s features up close. His raised brows and his brown eyes that looked so human. He smiled at the faint green tint that soon began to color the man’s ears. He really did love this alien he thought as he looked the man over. He nodded shortly before returning to his spot on the couch. Maybe he could do this, maybe.

~~  
They arrived on the planet and now Jim, Spock, and a few others on their landing party were on the ground of the planet. It was dry and sandy; something like a desert but it was much more difficult to breathe for the crew than if they were in a desert on earth. Jim took in a breath and looked over his crew members whom were all armed and ready to shoot to stun the aliens. He wasn’t positive but after being ignored by the aliens he was feeling the impending attack but he wanted to believe they didn’t catch it and that was why he and this landing party were here, to make sure that the aliens had intentionally ignored it and it wasn’t just some honest mistake.

He heard his footsteps crunch the floor below him as he stepped, it was a very obvious sign that they were there and if the aliens began to assault them they may be in trouble because they did have a disadvantage. Kirk frowned as he took in another rough breath; he swore this was getting harder to do. He took another step and that was when it happened. The rough sound of a body hitting the floor, he turned quickly to see one of his security men lying on the floor in a small puddle of blood. He took in a quick breath and took this as a sign that the aliens would not comply with their treaty. 

“Hell, Scotty! Beam us up! Now!” he shouted into his communicator as he made his way closer to the body and his men, he ordered them into fight position and kept his Vulcan close to him. He smiled at the man, it wasn’t a cocky smile it was a can’t believe this is happening again love smile. He didn’t know how a person could tell the difference but he sincerely hoped the Vulcan could tell. He sighed and looked quickly around them only seeing blurs. Damn, they seemed to be faster than they were. He brought the communicator back to his lips only to hear the Scottish accent of his chief engineer complaining about how the transporter was operating properly. 

“Okay, men, we might be here for a while, keep phasers set to stun and watch them carefully.” He said watching the blurs that were getting closer. He thought they must have been going into attack formation. He swallowed and aimed his phaser right when he heard the familiar sound of the transporter. He looked up and saw particle slowly being pulled into the air. He let out a small sigh of relief. 

The next moment they were on the Enterprise, most of them still ready to shoot the aliens. He let out a heavy sigh of relief before he led Spock and himself towards the bridge where he was expected to make the biggest decision of his career. He needed to save the other aliens from the barbaric ones that had now killed one of his men. He was angry but he didn’t know if he was angry enough to commit that large of a scale of murder. He entered the elevator and grasped a hand on the lever. It felt oddly familiar and yet very uncommon as the decision was there. 

“You will choose the right decision, captain.” Spock said simply looking at him with raised brows. He smiled and nodded at the man. He didn’t believe him, no not for one second but it still felt nice that he was trying to console him. Jim took in one more breath before the red alert signal was beginning to fill the elevator and what he guessed the rest of the ship. 

“We’ll see, Spock.” He said as they arrived on the bridge and he made his way quickly to the captain’s chair and looked over the screen trying to focus on one of the many thing that were being thrown at him in that very moment.   
~~  
Jim made it to his class with a debatable sense of confidence but now that he was there in front of the slug he was supposed to kill he felt sick to his stomach. It wasn’t cute but it didn’t exactly deserve to die. He sighed and kept his distance from it or the most his teacher would allow him to. He showed up 20 minutes early and it was a horrible decision as the time was spent watching the slug was supposed to kill. He frowned down at it as it moved slowly across the metal plate it was on. He never felt so sick before in his life.   
It eventually became time. A surprisingly small amount of his classmates showed up that day and left Kirk feeling stupid for not thinking about skipping the class. He was stuck now though as he looked at the wooded chamber that his class was held in, it definitely didn’t match the rest of Starfleet academy. Jim took in a breath as his professor began speaking about procedure when dissecting a slug but all the words were missed by the blond student who was left staring blankly at the slug until his professor announced to begin slicing.

He took in a nervous breath and picked up the knife he was to use to make his first incision. Once the knife was in his hands he felt the weight of it grow ten times. He frowned and did a small jump from his anxiety. Jim didn’t want to kill it, it looked so defenseless and he was just lost. Why did his evil professor want to kill the anyway? Were they keeping some super-secret power from him or something and that was why he wanted his students killing them. He glared at the back of his professor’s head for a few moments before realizing once it was over it was done. He took in a breath and turned his attention to the slug once more. He lowered his knife and tried to think of where to cut first. 

“Good bye, I’m sorry.” He said as he lowered the knife weakly onto the slug’s back but soon his plan backfired as the slug launched itself in fear or maybe it was planned like a way to escape but Jim didn’t care the slug had jumped on his face and now his face was currently occupied by a slimy creature that sounded like it was sucking. He let out a scream to bring attention to his problem and he couldn’t help but fall slightly backwards as the slug started making some slurping sound. 

He let out a terrified scream once more before trying to pull the thing from his face not listening to his professor who was giving the vaguest solutions to his problem. He pulled at the slimy thing but it kept slipping through his fingers but it didn’t stop him. He attempted once, twice, probably close to six times before he was able to breath properly again. He tossed the slug onto the floor and took in quick breaths while he heard a combination of clapping and laughter most likely aimed towards him.   
~~  
“What are we going to do, captain?” Mr. Sulu asking quickly from the weapons control panel in front of him. Kirk took in a quick breath looking over at his first officer who was watching him with raised brows. He made a pained expression towards him. Maybe he wanted him to give him the answer, he didn’t want to kill those aliens it was inhumane to kill anything without a fair trial but they wouldn’t even speak with them. 

“Fire, Mr. Sulu.” He said taking in a breath afterwards, he had just signed all of those aliens’ death certificates. He needed air but there was no air on this ship. He frowned and watched as the Enterprise shot shots towards the planet. He felt each of them fire. He sighed. Then he noticed a body next to him, he turned quickly to see his first officer next to him viewing the firing beside him. He smiled faintly feeling safe here at least.   
~~


	3. Relaxation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone needs a break after a alien attacks.

“Captain’s log, after a battle against an alien force foreign to myself and I am sure the rest of the…..men and woman who were battling them with me I have sustained a minor injury but I successfully defeated the creature known as the Belorun slug.-“Jim spoke into his own personal captain’s log that really needed a new update as he had been neglecting it for some time. He wasn’t sure if was the stress from school or the fact he felt his ‘missions’ were nothing of interest. In the following weeks he had passed a few tests and now was recovering from a slug attack. His life didn’t seem like it needed to be remembered in a captain’s log. 

He sighed as he looked around his shared apartment. Spock was in the kitchen finally getting to doing the multicolored dishes that lived in their sink a majority of the time. He was wearing his pajamas still because it was one of those lucky days where the Vulcan didn’t have to work. He smiled as he watched the man from their bed, as Jim kept it as a sacred promise never to leave the bed before noon on days he had no classes and as he did not sleep till noon here he was reading over some interesting facts about Captain James T. Kirk and working on his own captain’s log. 

“I am recovering from the attack well with the help of my boyfriend who is now looking very sexy in his pajamas in the kitchen.-“he smiled to himself as the Vulcan moved slightly, he didn’t know if it was from an uncomfortable position or that he heard the words that had escaped his lips and his subconscious was trying to recognize them. He watched the Vulcan for a few more moments his mouth feeling lovesick for the Vulcan who yes had been there for him but only in times were it was appropriate with his work schedule. He wanted to go have a fun date with the man and he didn’t know maybe make out a little but he would be fine with just the date.

“I am thinking about asking my boyfriend out on a date. I will return later with updates. Kirk out.” He said into his captain’s log before turning it off and continued to watch the pointy eared man more closely. The Vulcan moved quickly around the small kitchen as he placed dishes away in various places. He smiled slightly as the man dried the towels before moving the few inches over to the cabinet where the dishes were supposed to be most of the time. Spock had an amazing system for doing most of the chores in their apartment and frankly they got ruined whenever Kirk attempted to assist but that didn’t mean he was alright with doing nothing he just turned his attention to things he knew he could do like try and keep his Vulcan happy, which was hard to tell if he was doing right as the man rarely let out any emotion. 

Kirk broke his promise to himself and pulled himself out of the checkered blanket. It fell slowly to the floor behind him as his bare feet walked silently across the wood flooring towards the green tinted body in the kitchen. Jim smiled to himself as he felt a chill enter the apartment from the open window. He furrowed his brow towards it as he had no memory of him opening it or seeing it getting opened. He shrugged and returned his attention to the man he had fallen in love with in the kitchen. 

The Vulcan wasn’t surprised by him showing up behind him and sliding his arms around his waist but Jim wasn’t expecting him to be. Spock could hear everything he had said or had done most likely. He let out a comfortable sigh as he rested his head on the Vulcan’s back listening to his heart beat which definitely didn’t sound right but he was positive it was because he was a Vulcan. He took in a breath and let himself enjoy the moment as Spock seemed to do the same. 

“I was thinking maybe we should go out, I don’t know where, I went to this pretty good bar the other day though.” He said lifting his head and resting his chin on the man’s back now. The black-haired man returned to working on his dishes as was Spock’s normal attitude. He would return to his first task before picking up a second that would interrupt his original one. He sighed slightly but kept his hands wrapped around the man’s waist to make it more difficult for the man to work. Jim considered it to be a way of showing his affection for the man in an annoying way. 

“Jim, I feel that we should attempt to go out but I do not wish to go to a bar as you previous track record with them seems to be bad for us.” Spock said. Jim heard the man drop the dishes into the soapy water in the sink but that wasn’t what he was paying attention to now. It was the words that left the Vulcan’s lips. His track records with bars were bad for them? How? He went to drink to have fun and he loved Spock therefore the two went together, he had a great time at bars with Spock but most of the time he was hammered. Maybe he didn’t know what he was talking about but that didn’t mean he wasn’t offended right now. 

Jim slowly loosened his grip around the man’s waist and let his arms fall to his side. He frowned and turned to leave the room, he needed something to calm himself. He didn’t want to yell at Spock, he learned the last time they had an argument it was impossible to argue with Spock. He would only bring up facts he wouldn’t speak about emotions and he didn’t want to fight that brick wall again. He walked over to the bed that they had shared that night and wrapped himself up in his blankets again, having the full intention to try and sleep the rest of the day away. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about Spock or the fact he didn’t want to go to bars with him because Spock thought it was bad for them. He ran a hand through his blond hair and took in a breath before shutting his eyes tighter to try and eliminate all thoughts of his boyfriend and all traces of sunlight.  
He was perfectly content with lying in bed all day ignoring Spock but that evidently didn’t sit right with the Vulcan as a few moments after he had felt himself actually fall asleep he was jolted awake by the man. Jim slowly opened his eyes and once he saw the brown eyes level with his he turned on his back away from him. He didn’t want to see him because if he did he would forgive him because somehow the emotionless guy was able to make the worst puppy eyes that made him want to fall in his arms every time he saw them. 

“Listen to me, Jim, it is nothing against you but in our past whenever we go to a bar together we leave in a fight or the hangover the day after initiates one.” Spock said calmly placing a hand on Jim’s shoulder which he rolled off before scooting closer to the middle of the bed. He took in a breath, he was agitated and every word that left the Vulcan’s lips made his either want to fall into his arms and forgive him or punch him in the face and Jim frankly didn’t want to do either. 

“You cannot ignore me, this is the first real day off I’ve had in some time. I do not see a calculable time when we will have another chance like this to do something.” Spock said not attempting to touch him again. Jim frowned and yelled at his brain he didn’t want to be angry with the Vulcan but he didn’t want to be happy with him either. He shook his head and tried to keep himself focused on ignoring the man but the breaths he was hearing form the man slowly made him realize how childish he was acting. He let out a sigh and turned towards the Vulcan who he wouldn’t say looked happy but he looked satisfied that he had turned back to look at him. 

“Spock, I don’t mean to get drunk angry at you if I do, I am not saying I do but if I do I am sorry. I think it is the only time I can release any anger that doesn’t turn into tears like a majority of the time when I am sober. I do not like to fight with you, trust me.” He said grabbing the Vulcan’s hand and smiling reassuringly towards him. He wished he knew why he loved the alien so much but he guessed part of the enjoyment was not knowing. He was impossible to read most of the time but yet he was so easy to read for him. He was confused at this he didn’t understand how he was coming up with these ideas but soon they were dissuaded by the Vulcan rising and Jim swore he saw a smile. It wasn’t a big one but it seemed to tug on the side of his lips. 

“Perhaps tonight we may visit that bar you were speaking about.” Spock spoke nodding at him. Jim felt a smile tugging at his lips as he looked up at his boyfriend. He picked himself up out of bed and stood in front of the Vulcan who raised his brows at his sudden reaction to the comment. He smirked at the man and moved closer before he placed his lips on Spock’s. He admitted it was kind of strange to kiss a Vulcan as this was something they were not used to, most of their romantic touching happened with their hands and fingers and even with that fact Spock didn’t seem to be a virgin at kissing or anything in that nature. He definitely wasn’t as good as Kirk but he could keep up with him.

Their lips moved together like it was meant to be and that was why he knew Spock was the one, it never had any other flavor than right. They moved together like it was meant to be and he would never get the feeling he was going to leave him. He separated from the man and smiled at the greener cheeks and ears. He let out a small huff of laughter as the Vulcan looked down at him emotionless but he still looked confused.   
~~  
Captain James T. Kirk made his way to his quarters after the stress of his last mission he definitely felt he could use a shore leave and that was why he ordered Sulu to drive them to the closest star port so they could all take some time to relax. He felt everyone needed it. He sighed once he entered his room. It was warmly decorated in a fashion that reminded him of home though the metal walls brought him back to the reality of where he really was. He quickly hit his bed not bothering with changing into more comfortable clothes, he just wanted to sleep. 

Jim closed his eyes and let himself slowly slip into a sweet dream when he heard the door of his room open. He furrowed his brow and wished it wasn’t one of McCoy’s surprise exams but he was pleasantly surprised to open his eyes and see his boyfriend Spock. He smiled and lifted himself up lazily. He watched as the Vulcan stayed by the door before coming in further when the captain gave a gesture for him to follow. 

“What can I help you with, Spock?” he asked no longer referring to the man as Mr. Spock they knew each other well enough now that the term seemed silly to use when the two of them were alone. The Vulcan raised his brows at him at first before the lowered and the man seemed to consider why he had really made his way to the captain’s room. Jim smiled as was his natural resting face when watching the Vulcan think, it was something that interested him usually thoughts could be read easily on the expressions of people but never on Spock. He could never tell what he was thinking. 

“Jim, I was considering that when we arrive at the nearest Star Port we may go have dinner or visit a bar.” Spock said simply in his even tone. Jim was taken aback by the request Spock never asked him out. It was always up to him to get the Vulcan to agree with dates and everything. He smiled widely though once the idea crossed his mind. He was excited now that the Vulcan had brought it up. It was a fantastic idea. He quickly picked himself up from his bed and made his way to the Vulcan with a wide grin. 

“It’s a date, Spock.” He said while extending two fingers towards the man. He would like to have come up with the idea for a date but he guessed that Spock should be granted good ideas sometimes as well. He smiled when the gesture was returned and the Vulcan soon made to leave. He furrowed his brow and grabbed the man’s hand to stop him. He laughed slightly as Spock looked at him with raised brows from confusion. 

“Why don’t we talk for a bit?”  
~~

Jim found out that Spock was more of a push over than he had thought, the man normally stuck to his own motives and never strayed from them and that was why he was surprised when the Vulcan fell over so easily about going to a bar that night. Of course Jim felt bad about it, who wouldn’t? His boyfriend had expressed distaste for something he was doing and he was pushing it full force. His mind wandered to these thoughts often and he felt sick the more he thought about it but still he went and now they were there at The Pointy Eared Vulcan which his boyfriend immediately expressed a dislike of. He laughed and slapped the man on the back to try and bring some normalcy to their relationship that he felt he had altered for the worst. 

“Jim, I fear this bar may not be entirely friendly to my race, as the name suggests and the looks I am getting from the bartender.” Spock expressed stopping the two of them in front of the dance area which he didn’t know why this club had but he guessed it was regulation for bars nowadays to have dance floors. He looked at the raven haired man with a small amount of concern. He didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable and he was wondering why that bartender was giving him a glare. He looked over at the Arcturian bartender through the blinding lights and large groups of people drinking in the club and saw the bartender who was glaring at Spock while simultaneously handing drinks out to his customers. Jim took in a breath and glared at the direction of the bartender. 

“Go find a table. Give me a second, Spock, I can fix one of these issues for you. ” He said leaving his boyfriend behind to go find a table which seemed impossible in the crowded bar that was loud and didn’t seem to fit the Vulcan well. Jim made his way over to the bartender who was now bringing his attention to his work but it was soon taken away from him by Jim slamming his hands on the bar top to get the man’s attention. He glared at the man before letting out a heavy breath at the alien who seemed confused at first but soon seemed to come around. 

“Hey, buddy, what the hell is with the look you were giving Spock?-“he asked angrily feeling the words roll off his tongues in hot spurts of rage. “The fucking Vulcan that walked into this racist titled bar with me!” He clarified louder pointing the direction of the door as the people at the bar turned their attention to him. He looked at them with a limited amount of care for the strange looks he was getting for yelling at the bartender. He took in another angry breath before looking at the Arcturian bartender again. The alien’s face had many folds and he definitely looked like an angry individual but no matter what his face looked like he knew the man was giving Spock a glare. 

“I do not appreciate his race in my bar, I’m sure he is a nice enough fellow but from what I’ve seen of other Vulcans I have no desire for them to be in my bar causing trouble by being a logical hobgoblin.” The bartender clarified with a calm voice though Jim could hear the anger growing from it. Unfortunately he was still pissed and the man’s answer didn’t help him in any way to calm down. He bit his lip and put his hands on his hips. He looked back at the black haired alien whom he had fallen for, he was watching the scene at the bar playing out with raised brows. He sighed and turned his attention back to the alien still feeling massively pissed. 

“You are a goddamn racist and this bar is shit, there is no fucking reason for you to be as rude to paying customers as you are being now. So me and my Vulcan boyfriend are taking our business somewhere other than your shit bar.” He said spitefully he was sure he saw a few globs of spit leave his lips but none of that mattered when the bartender threw a drink at his face. The cold liquid distracted him and he felt his eyes burning he swore loudly before he felt the pressure of something hit his jaw. He let out another swear as he held his jaw. He struggled to keep his eyes open as the liquid burned his eyes. He frowned and placed a hand to stop the bleeding that was leaving a cut in his jaw. 

Jim glared up at the alien. He definitely wasn’t enjoying this bar. He spat a mixture of blood and spit onto the floor before turning away from the bartender who he heard throwing insults at him and his boyfriend. He frowned that he wasn’t able to get the man to see the error of his ways but maybe he was going about it in the wrong way. He made his way to his boyfriend hoping to find some comfort form the man but as he could barely keep his eyes open at the moment he had no idea where he was going. He eventually hit something that looked something like his boyfriend. He looked up at the figure and after seeing a familiar pair of brown eyes he knew it was Spock. 

“Jim, let’s go to the rest room, I need to look at your lip is a better light.” Spock said placing a hand near his lip which he definitely knew was bleeding now. He shook his head, he didn’t want to stay in this bar another minute and if that meant his lip would get infected and he would have to go to an actual hospital so be it. Jim felt another gobbet of blood escape his lips. His felt his boyfriend wipe a finger over his wound softly, he flinched at the pain but part of him enjoyed the contact. 

“We’re leaving, I don’t want to be here anymore.” He ordered blinking his eyes multiple times to try and get the acid that the bartender that threw in his face out. God! It fucking burned. He looked up at his boyfriend who was slowly becoming more and more in focus and once he was clear enough he grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the loud and horribly blinding bar out into the cold dark night. He sighed with relief as he felt the calming breeze of the night hit his face. Jim smiled or at least attempted to but soon an overwhelming pain passed and he frowned once more. He looked up at Spock who was watching him with what looked like little concern but he knew the Vulcan well enough to be able to know when he was worried. 

“We need to get you somewhere to clean your wounds.” The Vulcan said taking his hand and squeezing it tightly to drag him off into the direction of what looked like a blur to Jim. He sighed and just followed the Vulcan as he was tired of directing things at the moment. He took in a breath as the Vulcan slowly started to sprint towards a destination where they could heal his wounds, but after he expressed his distaste for the pace the man slowed down to a gentler pace.

“Jim, you shouldn’t have provoked the man. We could have just relocated to an alternative bar. There was no logic in confronting the man and forcing him to grow angry.” Spock said as he looked around at the windows of the shops that decorated the street. Most of them were closed as it was now after ten and no normal store was open at such later hours. He looked up at the man’s face which seemed to be showing signs of stress as more and more store windows passed without any aid to the situation. 

“You know I couldn’t do that, Spock, I mean your race was being made fun of and that guy was a dick any-“ he said before he was broken off by the Vulcan bringing him into what looked like a bar. He looked at the dark bar curiously, there didn’t seem to be many patrons and the bar definitely wasn’t very lively. He looked at the decorations which mostly consisted of wooden tables and chairs and some vintage pictures of cars and ships. He nodded at the decorations thinking the bar looked rather interesting. That was when he noticed a thick Scottish accent coming from the bar stools he turned to listen to the man but he only caught a faint mumble of what he was saying towards the bartender, who didn’t look like a giant douche. 

“This is what I’m saying. In subspace travel we could do so much more, I mean beaming a grapefruit 100 miles is nothing and not only could I transport a grapefruit to the adjacent planet in the same system but I could do it with a life form. I just need to find one.” The thick Scottish accent said, he turned towards the voice and tried to hear more about the topic because he thought it sounded interesting but while he was listening in on the man’s theory on subspace travel Spock was asking about how to get to the restroom where he quickly dragged him and began assessing the wound on his face which Jim didn’t think was as bad as the Vulcan was making it out to be. 

Spock placed a cautious hand on his lip and slowly began to dab it with a wet towel to try and stop the bleeding and probably clean the wound. He sighed as the man began searching for a band aid which he was surprised he found. Jim smiled though it still stung but he was now satisfied with how he was doing, the Vulcan now looked convinced that he would be fine but he still seemed to be slightly worried. He smiled up at him lazily before wrapping his arms around him and listening to the Vulcan’s strange heartbeat.

“Thanks, Spock.” He said simply as the Vulcan seemed to consider a response, none was given. The Vulcan just placed a hand on his back before leaning slightly more into the hug which made Jim smile even more which made his curse silently as his wound stung. He slowly let go of the man and turned his attention to the bathroom door which led to a whole new bar Jim had never been to and he was finding it oddly excited. 

“Hey, Spock, what did you think of this one? Anyone give you any strange stares?” he asked jokily as the Vulcan looked towards the bathroom door as well. He shook his head which Jim took as the answer so he quickly grabbed the hand of the Vulcan and led them into the rustic looking bar. He was really excited now; it reminded him of home as he looked at the various memorabilia. He ordered two beers and frowned at the fact the Scottish man was no longer in the bar but he knew at least the man was drinking scotch and seemed to understand subspace travel better than he did and he was positive the man might have been a bit drunk. 

It turns out that one reason Spock and he were so good together was because no matter what situation the Vulcan gets him into Jim will back him up and most likely get punched in the face for it but the Vulcan will always be there for him. Also, they both recognize the genius of new starships. Jim smiled as the fourth round of drinks came around, unfortunately Vulcans don’t get drunk off of the same stuff as humans so Spock ended up just drinking everything he did and remained exactly the same.   
“I’mmm gonna find wha makes you drunnnk, onnne day, Spork.” He said pointing a finger at the Vulcan who he thought looked like he was enjoying himself. He glared at the man slightly and wished he hadn’t said anything when the Vulcan pushed another drink towards him which he thought was empty already. Maybe he shouldn’t have let Spock know what makes him drunk. 

After a few more hours of drinking the bartender came around to their table with a wide grin and what looked like an award. Jim tried to read it but after three attempts and only getting blurred hieroglyphics out of it he gave up and let the bartender explain what he was awarding them with. 

“I’ve never seen one man consume so much alcohol without being just a little bit tipsy so would you like to go on the wall, so far we’ve only had three people who had drank as much as you and kept themselves somewhat composed.” The man said with a wide grin, he had a camera wrapped around his neck and Jim jumped at the opportunity for a photo opts. 

“Thankkkkkkkk you, kind sir, I will gladly accept your award.” He said drunkenly and leaned to take the award which the man kept at a distance that he couldn’t reach from his seat. He glared up at the man who only smiled at the action before turning his attention to Spock who only nodded as response. He smiled at his boyfriend and leaned on his shoulder, he was tired but he was having a good time right now. 

“Say cheese!” the bartender said cheerily as he pulled up his camera. Spock didn’t say cheese now did he smile but Jim felt him wrap an arm around his shoulder protectively. He enjoyed the warmth and moved closer to the man after saying a weak cheese and smiling. After the flash took place he closed his eyes as it seemed to reinvigorate the burning of the acid that was thrown on him earlier. The photo makes Jim think about how drunk he actually gets but it also reminds him of how much he loved the Vulcan. His eyes are closed in the photo and he looks about to faint from either alcohol or from sleep deprivation but the Vulcan has bags under his eyes as well and has a protective arm around him like he wouldn’t let any harm fall a single hair on his head.  
~~  
Jim was surprised how much he was looking forward towards his actual date with Spock so when it actually arrived he felt he was going to throw up he got dressed in his green relaxation shirt and made his way to the transporter room where he would beam down and find the Vulcan in the market of the space port where the Vulcan said he would be waiting for him. He was looked around the metal walls of the enterprise, not surprised that the grey color seemed to all blend into together as he walked. He sighed once he reached the transporter room and gave the coordinates to Scotty who took them quickly before beaming him down. 

Kirk wasn’t surprised by the space port as it looked like every other space port he had been to. He smiled slightly and began his trek to find the Vulcan who had requested this date. He went to the market by following the directions on the walls which reminded him much of an amusement park as they showed the directions every other step you took, he guessed it was because the space port was large and it was needed to be pointed out where to go so people would not get lost. 

Eventually he found the Vulcan, standing with his arms behind his back, he looked particularly uninterested in almost everything that was happening around him. He smiled at the bored expression and made his way over to the man hoping to be able to add some life to the expression. He walked up to the blue shirt who raised his brow in reaction to his appearance and Jim tried to convince himself that he saw a faint smile appear on the man’s face when he saw him. 

“So, you ready to go then?” he asked looking forward to whatever the Vulcan had planned. It turned out the man didn’t have much of anything planned other than dinner but Kirk quickly opted to come up with a new plan. He made a quick detour to a bar and ordered himself a beer and the Vulcan next to him a hot chocolate. He smiled at the man as he hit their glasses together in a way to show cheers. The Vulcan gingerly drank he drink and Kirk couldn’t help but smile and laugh at the man. He had never seen anyone gingerly drink hot chocolate. 

Eventually when they finished their drinks they made their way to dinner which was a much bigger affair than he was expecting. The food was amazing but there was a lot of it to go around. The Vulcan turned out to actually be drunk as his green tinted cheeks and the way he was smiling while playing with his food and trying to steal the captain’s suggested. All in all he had an amazing night with the Vulcan, but the hangovers they both had the day were not as amazing.


	4. Customs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding! I wonder whose it could be.

Jim was surprised how much he was looking forward towards his actual date with Spock so when it actually arrived he felt he was going to throw up he got dressed in his green relaxation shirt and made his way to the transporter room where he would beam down and find the Vulcan in the market of the space port where the Vulcan said he would be waiting for him. He was looked around the metal walls of the enterprise, not surprised that the grey color seemed to all blend into together as he walked. He sighed once he reached the transporter room and gave the coordinates to Scotty who took them quickly before beaming him down.   
Kirk wasn’t surprised by the space port as it looked like every other space port he had been to. He smiled slightly and began his trek to find the Vulcan who had requested this date. He went to the market by following the directions on the walls which reminded him much of an amusement park as they showed the directions every other step you took, he guessed it was because the space port was large and it was needed to be pointed out where to go so people would not get lost.   
Eventually he found the Vulcan, standing with his arms behind his back, he looked particularly uninterested in almost everything that was happening around him. He smiled at the bored expression and made his way over to the man hoping to be able to add some life to the expression. He walked up to the blue shirt who raised his brow in reaction to his appearance and Jim tried to convince himself that he saw a faint smile appear on the man’s face when he saw him.   
“So, you ready to go then?” he asked looking forward to whatever the Vulcan had planned. It turned out the man didn’t have much of anything planned other than dinner but Kirk quickly opted to come up with a new plan. He made a quick detour to a bar and ordered himself a beer and the Vulcan next to him a hot chocolate. He smiled at the man as he hit their glasses together in a way to show cheers. The Vulcan gingerly drank he drink and Kirk couldn’t help but smile and laugh at the man. He had never seen anyone gingerly drink hot chocolate.   
Eventually when they finished their drinks they made their way to dinner which was a much bigger affair than he was expecting. The food was amazing but there was a lot of it to go around. The Vulcan turned out to actually be drunk as his green tinted cheeks and the way he was smiling while playing with his food and trying to steal the captain’s suggested. All in all he had an amazing night with the Vulcan, but the hangovers they both had the day were not as amazing.  
~~  
Kirk had enjoyed a rather blissful two weeks of life, reading and keeping a captain’s log actually keeping his life in check surprisingly. He had had a grin on his face most of the time except during his biology class where he had to retake the exam like all the other kids but he was the only one who had an actual reason to miss it as he was attacked by the slug in question. All in all though he was having a wonderful time and his life finally seemed in some order, he would go to school and dart home to give his boyfriend a quick peck before he would head off to work and return home with dinner and then repeat the next day. It was a weekend and his boyfriend had gotten another day off and was sleeping peacefully in their shared bed, a familiar memory captured on camera sitting on Spock’s nightstand from nights before when Kirk had gotten punched but the rest of the evening was spent in Spock’s arm so it made him feel better about it. Kirk was enjoying the warmth Spock was giving off, of course it couldn’t last forever and he was taken out of his comfortable rest by a familiar buzzing of someone needing to get into their apartment.   
Jim let out a heavy sigh and dragged himself out of bed, not enjoying the cold that greeted him once he let the arms of Spock. He dragged his feet not wanting to get out of his slumber state, he wanted to easily fit back into the arms of his lover and go back to rest once the post man had been dealt with and that was what he had started doing. He buzzed the man in and waited in front of their door with a groggy expression, his blond hair was sticking up and he was positive he had marks on his arms from the blanket and pillows he had wrapped his arms around that night. He didn’t have any clue what time is was nor did he really care he just wanted to get back to sleep and that was why he was surprised when a rather small, Jim was wondering if he was actually old enough to be working, looking mailman walked up the steps skipping two steps at a time and smiled at him.   
“Good morning, sir. Here is your mail.” He said happily handing a small pile of envelopes to him. He nodded and yawned feeling bad for the man because he hadn’t brushed his teeth just yet. He smiled apologetically before turning his attention to the envelopes in his hands. They all seemed rather typical. He was beginning to wonder why the man hadn’t just put it in the mail slot and why he was still there. Jim looked up at him with furrowed brows, he actually didn’t look very familiar.   
“Why are you still here? In fact why did you not put my mail in the mail slot?” he asked curiously putting the hand with the envelopes to his side while the other hand formed a protective fist. He was watching the man with a minimum about of trust. It really didn’t make sense to him at the moment. It could have been that he was groggy and rather unmoved by the man’s cheery attitude but he didn’t trust the man. His worry didn’t seem to show on the man’s face, he remained as he was cheery and watching him.   
“I was just sent to make sure you check all your mail closely, have a nice day, sir!” the curly haired mailman said in a thick Russian accent. He frowned and furrowed his brow at the kid who began to whistle and make his way quickly down the stairs, most likely to finish his job in a normal fashion unlike how he had done Jim’s mail. He sighed and turned into the apartment, pushing the wood door while simultaneously looking over the envelopes. ‘Bill, bill, spam, bill, what is this?’ he thought as he flipped through the envelopes which ranged from the colors of white to eggshell white.   
Kirk looked at the odd envelope out, he figured this was the one that the mailman was speaking about. He studied the writing on it, he traced his fingers over his name which was written in a very artistic fashion, ‘James T. Kirk’, and then his address and following information. He had never gotten a letter like this one before. He was never the one to get personal mail. He shrugged and opened the envelope surprised find a small invite to a wedding…from his brother. He took in a quick breath, he hadn’t spoken with Sam in years and now he was being invited to his wedding. He didn’t know if we was happy or angry, the last time they had spoken it ended their entire relationship for what he thought would be forever. The man had full intentions on leaving him with their stepfather while he ran away and honestly he didn’t mind but now he was left confused.   
He sat silently and read over the finely written script, ‘You and a guest of your choice are invited to the wedding of George &Aurelan on November 21rst. We hope to see you there. Please R.S.V.P. to the following number.” Jim was left reading that over and over again, his brother was going to speak to him again and he was getting married. He ran a hand over his brow as a cold breeze from their open window signaled another day closer to his brother’s wedding and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if he would want to go. He didn’t know how much time had passed while he reread the note and tried to come to a decision but it must have been some time as he began to hear the rustling on his boyfriend in their shared bed.   
“Jim? Have you already gotten the mail?” were his boyfriend’s first words that morning as he pulled his blankets down and exposed his bare chest. Jim would have smiled and made his way back over to the man on a normal morning for maybe some more fun but for now he was too distracted by the invitation in his hands and the world of meaning it meant to him. He wondered if it was some elaborate prank or not but the probability it was very unlikely as he was normally the one who pulled the pranks out of the two of them. He looked up at his Vulcan boyfriend feeling out of place now in this happy situation, he felt he should be happy but he was feeling this swelling nervousness that was now ruining his bliss. He sighed and looked down at the papers once more, he was positive he looked like he had just received the worst news possible but he couldn’t think of any other way to react.  
“My brother is getting married.” He said simply look at the paper and not as his Vulcan boyfriend whom he had told nothing about his brother. Jim was lost now in a world of emotions but he was positive his boyfriend was trying to find the logical reason as to why he was reacting as he was and that is why he dared a look up. His blond locks still looked like mess and there was his boyfriend watching him with raised brows and his head tilted in curiosity or maybe it was offense that he hadn’t told him anything about his brother, he didn’t know either way he felt like crap now.   
“I may not be accustomed to human emotions as well as I thought, Jim, but is this not good news?” his boyfriend’s Vulcan tone filled the apartment. Jim quickly shushed him and ran over to him feeling like it should be some big secret he was upset he was invited to the wedding. He placed his fingers on the Vulcan’s lips which earned him a strange look from Spock, he smiled faintly laughing at how silly he had reacted but he still didn’t feel any better. He wished there was some magic way out of this. He glared at the door and began to try and think of ways to punish the mailman that had decided to make it his personal goal to bring that letter to him and hand it to him.   
“Well, I mean it is good news but I haven’t spoken to Sam in years and I don’t know why he is choosing now, and dammit, Spock, I think I’m nervous at what he will think of me, or what if he still doesn’t like me and his new wife is putting him up to it, and what if just-I don’t know, Spock, it doesn’t seem right that he could just do that and ruin my bliss.” He admitted turning to look at his boyfriend who looked unmoved by the confession. He shook his head and looked down at his feet which were coated in the sunlight of the San Francisco sun that was peeping in through their window. Jim didn’t know why he loved Spock so much, he rarely changed his facial features and even more seldom did he give efficient advice that wasn’t based on logic and based on things people would actually do.   
“Jim, the probability that Sam will do any of those things is unlikely, as he sent the invite and therefore wants his brother their on his wedding day.” Spock answered logically before placing a hand on his, it wasn’t a large amount of emotion being shown but he knew that Spock had a difficulty of not letting too much of his human side show so he would let it go and just appreciate the gesture. He looked down at the green tinted hand and smiled, it did make him feel better and that was when he remembered why he loved the man, because of movements like these. When he would not have to show any human emotions or concern but he still did. He took in a breath and leaned against the man’s shoulder. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad as long as he was allowed to bring Spock.   
~~  
Jim returned to his quarters after an average day of work, no large life threating situations threatened the Enterprise which was a nice relief for Jim and he was sure the rest of the crew on his ship. He had had a nice idyllic couple of weeks the threats on the Enterprise were at a minimum and Jim thought he had cracked the code that was his boyfriend, Spock. The Vulcan was quite emotional if he just paid close enough attention to his slight eyebrow raising or a subtle hint of a smile that would play on his lips when he was amused, he guessed it was seeing the man drunk and actually acting human or at least a Vulcan variation of human that inspired him to look at the subtle expressions the Vulcan made and stop wanting large reactions.   
The grey walls of the Enterprise made Jim long for some sign of home, of course the ship was like a child to him but he wanted something that reminded him of Iowa. The grass and the actually feeling that he was on Earth instead of breathing this simulated air. He sighed and walked into his quarters which felt more like home though it was alike the ship in the same attributes as the ship’s halls. He sat down at his desk and began to flip through messages that he had. All of Starfleet members on long missions as he was had their mail sent virtually to the computers of the ship. He never got very much family mail besides his parents or his brother saying ‘Guess what going on vacation, won’t be able to talk for a while. ‘which he doesn’t understand the point of because they never send him anything anyway.   
The small screen clicked through messages from Starfleet and a few engineer reports that somehow made it into his mail. It was as he was ready the scratchy handwriting of his chief engineer when he noticed a message from his brother, he smiled as he clicked on the small message and it opened in full length. The small text wasn’t easy to read on the screen but Jim quickly got the message from the text. He smiled and let out a huff of laughter of happiness as he imagined his brother in a suit all ready to start his life with the person of his dreams.   
Kirk looked over the words once more seeing that he had one person that he could invite and he had the perfect person in mind. He clicked the R.S.V.P. button and wrote out a quick reply which looked something along the lines of ‘Congrats, Sam, who is the lucky person? We should meet up before this, I would like to know everything. Is it Aurelan? Oh, I will definitely be going sign me up for two people. I want you to meet someone.’ And then he was quickly out of his quarters and to the one of his first officer, Spock.  
The grey walls made him smile as did almost everything else. He felt his mood couldn’t be damaged. Once he returned the must less colorful room of his first officer he looked around for the Vulcan who didn’t seem to be there. He furrowed his brow and looked at the mattress that looked untouched by the Vulcan whom he loved. The crimson sheet that was set up on the wall around the man’s sleeping area was a mystery to him but there was still no sign of the blue shirt. He sighed and turned to leave when the black haired Vulcan walked in a took a slight step back when he noticed the blond that was in the way of him moving any further into his room. He grinned at the Vulcan who he saw a small smile tug at his lips.   
“Spock, I was looking for you.” He said moving so the Vulcan could move further in his room and take a seat at his viewing station. He shook his head as Spock seemed attached to his work, he honestly didn’t know anyone until him that could go weeks without a shore leave. It was rather inspiring but he never could keep up with the man, he normally felt sleep calling him after too many hours of work and nobody wants a fatigued captain running the ship so he elected to let his first officer win this.  
“I assumed, captain, as there is no other reason you would be in my quarters. We do not have any plans until tomorrow, Jim.” Spock said simply dragging his attention away from his viewer and to the blond captain who was smiling at him still. The Vulcan placed his hands behind his back and raised his brows at the man as a sign to continue. Jim took in a breath once he realized that he had almost forgotten his entire conversation point for the pointy eared man the moment he had stepped in.   
“My brother is getting married and I was wondering if you would like to come to the ceremony with me. I’m sure you’ve never been to a human wedding before so it could be fun.” He said laughing as he thought how stupid it sounded. He thought it was obvious the man would say yes as he hadn’t said no to him that often since they began their relationship which got him a few nos at first as well. Jim smiled at his first officer who remained unmoved, his lips didn’t even threaten to pull into a smile nor did his brows rise so Jim was left with no sign at what the alien was thinking.   
The silence that followed made Kirk uncomfortable. What if Spock didn’t want to go to his brother’s wedding with him? And he just wanted their relationship to be on the ship? He didn’t know why these thoughts were happening when only a few moments ago everything was sunshine and rainbows. He sighed and his smiles shine slowly began to disappear behind his lips. He snapped his fingers as he waited for an answer from the Vulcan. He honestly rarely felt this stressed and it definitely happened less in his relationships. He closed his eyes and took in a breath before opening his eyes and looked at the Vulcan.   
“Jim, I will take you to the wedding and I show a great amount of gratitude that you chose me as your partner for the trip.” Spock said simply and Jim thought he heard a bit of happiness in his voice and he guessed it was because he knew the suffering he would go through and he still kept his answer from him for the longest amount of time. Jim’s grin was immediately back on his face as he made his way over to the Vulcan and placed a quick peck on his lips before looking him in the eyes. The Vulcan’s brown eyes definitely looked human but they remained unemotional like the rest of the Vulcan as he wrapped his arms around his neck.  
“There is no one else I would take.” He said before putting their noses together quickly and then backing away. He guessed it was a short way of telling the Vulcan how much he appreciated him but in the end it worked better with a peck on the lips and touch of the fingers. Jim smiled and let out a sigh of relief as he thought about the excitement that his brother’s wedding would bring him.   
~~  
Jim had spent an entire week thinking about R.S.V.Ping for his brother’s wedding but never did he make the motion to actual write out a response because the words would stall on his lips and get stuck there in his mind unable to be written on the paper in front of him. Instead of anything happening that would help him come to a decision he had drank more and was slowly becoming less interesting in his school work. His boyfriend had unfortunately taken notice of this and began to try and speak frank with him much more. Jim noticed that Spock rarely ever had done this until after he had met him. He preferred it before.   
The confrontations eventually met a point where he couldn’t handle it anymore and he left one night to go to a bar with Bones. He needed someone human to talk to, and yes Spock was half human but he rarely let that side show. So he quickly opted to call Bones and invite him over to a bar so he could talk this whole thing over. He pulled on his leather coat and headed to a bar the Bones had picked out. He didn’t know what he was suspecting when he showed up but all he knew he was surprised when he entered the bar and it looked normal. He ordered a beer and waited for any sign of the doctor to be.   
It wasn’t long when the student arrived and made his way over to him with what looked like a minimum amount of enthusiasm. He smiled slightly at the man before turning his attention to the dance floor where people were dancing aggressively as if their life depended on the next step. He furrowed his brow as he brought the cold bottle to his lips and felt the smooth alcohol make its way down his throat.   
“Jim, why the hell did we have to go out to a bar? I mean you have a perfectly good apartment we could use.” He said while simultaneously giving the bartender a sign he wanted a beer. He smiled slightly as he turned his attention to the human beside him. He actually hadn’t planned on how to bring up the conversation, it was always so hard to dance around a subject with Bones. He was really into keeping things in an order that was easy for him to follow.   
“Well, seeming as Spock is a portion of the problem I thought it would be best if we went out.” He said before pressing the bottle to his lips once more to taste the liquid which quickly escaped the bottle and danced down his throat.   
“Don’t tell me you guys are fighting? I mean, there really is no point in it you always get back together.” Bones said rubbing his brow in agitation as he looked at the blond. Jim smiled in response and laughed, of course Spock and he were not fighting. He always hated fighting with the Vulcan though at some points it seemed hard to avoid. He shook his head and took another drink of his beer before explain his situation to the doctor using quick phrases, nothing to take up too much time. Nothing like ‘My brother George Samuel Kirk is getting married and I have not spoken with him in what I think is maybe five years due to an argument we had in High School and now I was suddenly invited to his wedding and I don’t know whether or not I really want to go or not. And Spock won’t get off my back about it, he keeps saying it is bad to keep grudges.’   
“Does that make me a bad guy, Bones?” he asked after explaining the situation, he watched the student’s eyes think as he drank some of his beer. The loud music was becoming a distraction he was now thinking as his head began to pound with a combination of both the music and the stress he was feeling at that moment.   
“No offense, Jim, but you’re being kind of a dick. To both your brother and Spock, I mean George invited you to his wedding so obviously he wants to make up for whatever happened and Spock is trying to get you to see him because he can most likely see you want to with his freaky Vulcan senses. I think you should just suck it up and go.” Bones said before taking a long drink from his bottle. Jim glared at the man before sighed and drinking the rest of the liquid that was in his bottle.   
“Fine! I guess I’ll go to his wedding then sense everyone fucking wants me to.” He said not sure why he was all the suddenly angry. He glared at the dancing crowd before sighing and leaving the bar with a minimum amount of patience for anything. He began to make his way back to his apartment, angry and feeling slightly tipsy. It wasn’t a good combination.   
~~  
San Francisco was wrapped in a veil of darkness that was only lifted by the light of the city. Jim glared at the light, he didn’t feel happy like that light seemed to emit. He was pissed. He didn’t want to deal with anything that was why when he burst into his apartment building he was breathing heavily and glaring at the black haired student that was taking helmsmen classes in Starfleet. He had seen him every once and awhile but only enough to know he was training to be a helmsmen and he lived in the apartment on the first level of his building. The man smiled awkwardly at him before giving a short wave, he remained glaring heavily at him until the man let out a small mumble of how he had a date and left the building with a small amount of fear. Jim didn’t know if it was in his mind or not but he felt he might have growled at the sound of the man’s voice. The blond looked up at the steps before darting up them to his apartment.   
When he reached the paint chipped door he hastily put his key in the lock and entered loudly, wanting to wake up his boyfriend. He wanted a confrontation. He wanted a damn human reaction. He wanted something from the blank canvas void of emotion that was the Vulcan’s face. Jim luckily caught the Vulcan before he had gone to sleep. Spock quickly raised his brows at his sudden entrance and turned to look at him. His hands were balled into fists though he knew he had no intention on actually hitting the Vulcan one because the Vulcan was ten times stronger than him even though his body didn’t show that, and two because he loved the man and didn’t want to hurt him. He glared at the man and made his way over to him. Jim stood in front of the Vulcan watching the brown eyes with a great amount of anger. Spock looked at him as he tilted his head in confusion before it dawned on him why Jim was acting this way. The Vulcan’s lips parted as he stood up to confront the issue before it became too big to fix but Jim didn’t want to hear any of it.   
“No! No, you’re going to let me talk now.” He said as he pushed the Vulcan back on the couch angrily, a part of him was livid that he had pushed the man but a greater part of him was pissed at the Vulcan so he watched with a minimum amount of peace as the alien nodded slowly. Jim smiled feeling happy he had at least gotten this far but now he was pissed again as he watched the Vulcan look away from him.   
“I don’t want to go to my brother’s wedding, and I don’t want you to say anything about it. I don’t fucking care that he wants peace, I don’t want it. And; and if this is some way for him to embarrass me I am avoiding it because I am smart. I don’t want to hear anything from you about this because it is my decision, and it has nothing to fucking do with you, okay?” he asked breathing heavily as he looked down at the Vulcan who had returned his gaze to him. Jim bit his lip angrily as he looked at the raven hair of the man. He had shared his bed with the man so many times but they had never fucked and now that was beginning to come to Jim attention.   
“Jim, I didn’t mean to force a choice upon you about your brother’s wedding, I was simply explaining the likelihood that you would appreciate a moment like that with your brother was high.” Spock said simply placing his hands in his lap. He didn’t know if it meant anything as he was beginning to think everything that the Vulcan did meant nothing. He glared heavily at the man’s words. They did nothing to solve this issue. He wanted a fucking human reaction to yelling. Why did he have to be so Vulcan all the time?!  
“Goddammit Spock! Don’t you fucking understand anything? It isn’t up to you and I don’t need your fucking logic to tell me the likelihood that I will appreciate something! Fuck you! Wait, you know what?! Fuck me! Why don’t we go over to that goddamn bed and just fucking do it?! I’ve been waiting forever which isn’t normal for me just because I have some crazy inclination in my mind that you fucking care about me and you just want to wait or some shit! But you know what it is pretty clear you don’t so why don’t we just fuck and get away from each other because honestly that is the only good thing I can think of coming out of this relationship!” he shouted at the Vulcan who raised his brows at the words. Jim imagined that the man’s cheeks were a brighter green than normal but then he got something. With his alcohol fueled words he got a reaction. Spock stood up strongly; he couldn’t tell if he looked hurt or not phased at all by the words that escaped Jim’s lips.   
“I do not think you realize, Jim, the words that are escaping your lips and the damage they could do to someone who isn’t Vulcan. I request you rethink your idea that drinking is the best choice of facing problems but for now I will leave you until I feel you can understand the words I just said. Goodbye, t'hy'la.” Spock said simply, nodding shortly at Jim before grabbing his coat and leaving the apartment without a fight. Jim dropped his fists and looked around frantically. What had he just done? He felt a pit in his stomach growing as he watched the door, waiting for any sign that the Vulcan would be coming back in. He wished he would. Maybe if he had just forgotten his keys. He frowned and looked at the spot where his love had previously been sitting.   
Kirk felt tears welling up, he didn’t want this. He didn’t know what he wanted but it wasn’t to have his boyfriend leave him. He let the tears fall as he lied down on the couch. He wished his life hadn’t gotten so awful. He brushed a hand over his cheeks and tried to get over what he had just done but nothing helped. He just listened and cried waiting for any sign of his boyfriend to come back but none came and he fell asleep.   
~~  
“It’s going to be fun, Spock, stop looking like you have to eat a small child for sacrifice. We’re just meeting my brother for lunch, okay?” Jim said as they drove a hover car over to the lunch destination on Earth where Starfleet had allowed them a shore leave for his brother’s wedding. It was rather exciting, he got a vacation on his home planet and he got to see his brother make the best decision of his life. After he had sent the message to his brother he received a hasty return from his brother which began them on a long conversation and now here they were two days before the wedding in question and he was finally getting to see his brother face to face for the first time in four years and he was going to be able to introduce him to Spock. He smiled over at the Vulcan who looked unmoved.   
“Jim, my expression does not give any sign of change as this situation is not one of stress for me.” The Vulcan stated simply looked over at him slightly before back at the road and directed the captain to do the same. He quickly watched the road once more, the cars around them whizzed quickly but Jim was beginning to find out he was in no hurry he was actually kind of nervous about seeing his brother again after such a long time.   
“Well, you’re meeting my brother so I would appreciate it if you would act like maybe you were a bit more nervous for me.” He said playfully, smiling at the idea of Spock acting like a jealous boyfriend whenever his brother and he would bring up some past memory that he hadn’t told the Vulcan. He smiled slyly at the man before looking back at the road and driving towards their destination.  
Once they arrived at the Italian restaurant Jim immediately when into recalling memories which made him feel a bit off but he wanted to get a reaction from Spock. His brother was not yet there so they remained in the waiting area with Jim sitting next to the first officer waiting to see his brother. He thought to himself how he must have changed in the year he hadn’t seen him. Maybe he was stronger now, or maybe he had long hair. He didn’t know what he was expecting but he thought he would know it once he saw him.  
And so when the man walked into the restaurant he took in a breath out of pure shock, he had a mustache. The fuzzy whiskers on the man’s face made him want to crack up but his brother probably liked it so he just smiled and tried to play it off. He waved his brother over and looked at his Vulcan companion who raised his brow at the man who was now making his way over to them. Jim grinned and stood up before hitting Spock to do the same which the Vulcan did but gradually and placed his hands behind his back. He looked up at his love who looked down at him at the same point with raised brows and an expression that read he was waiting for something from him.   
When Jim looked back over at his brother he was greeted with a hug. “Hey, little brother, how have you been?” the man asked while he tightened his grip on his brother before releasing him from his hold. He smiled and ran a hand through his hair looking at his brother fully, he looked well. His job must have a pretty good pay because he didn’t look like he had missed any meals but he also looked like he had been hitting the gym quite often.   
“I’m good, um…Sam, this is Spock. My boyfriend.” He said looking at the Vulcan who nodded simply at his brother before turning to him. He smiled at the motion, it wasn’t like the man was not enjoying the company of his brother but it looked like he was waiting for orders from him and it made him want to laugh. He wanted to mutter something along the lines of ‘you are relieved, soldier.’ But instead only a smile played on his face as he looked back at his brother. His brother’s reaction was a slow nod, he seemed to be surveying Spock to try and see if he was good enough for Jim and Spock seemed to pick up on this as now he was watching Sam fully.   
“Alright, let’s go eat and get to know each other better.” He said and directed both his brother and boyfriend to the hostess who quickly seated them with a smile. Jim looked at his brother who was still watching Spock with a large amount of interest. He was beginning to wish he hadn’t brought up the idea.  
“So, Sam, how’d you propose?” he asked trying to change the subject which seemed to work as then his brother went on a long rant of how his future wife was perfect and had actually proposed to him. He smiled and laughed at the appropriate times but Spock did not. In fact he looked entirely uninterested but he put that under him being Vulcan and not liking to show emotions.   
~~  
“Hey, remember that secret handshake we had?” he asked now following under his original mission on the meeting other than seeing how his brother was which was making Spock jealous. He thought earlier he had achieved that but the man seemed to be back to normal that was until he had Sam started talking about their childhood which he had barely spoken about with Spock. He looked at his brother and smiled while preparing a hand to actual perform the secret handshake.   
“Oh yeah…” his brother said before they went through every step that was required for the handshake. It made Jim smile that the man still remembered all of it, even though he had forgotten a few steps which his brother very kindly pointed out. In the end he couldn’t give rise to jealousy from his boyfriend but he was close. He knew it. He smiled over at Spock who nodded simply before watching his brother once more who had turned his attention to Spock.   
“You know, I’m going to go to the restroom. You two talk.” He said before heading over to the restroom, he swore something was going on with the two of them. He didn’t know what it was but he didn’t really want to be there when it happened. He sighed as he washed his hands after peeing. He didn’t know what he was expecting from the two of them when they met, it wasn’t like sparks but that would be better than the awkward silences that were being exchanged now.   
In the end it didn’t seem to be resolved and they left without the two sharing a word at least to Jim, he was positive they hadn’t when he had slipped to the restroom as they were both attending to their food with a large amount of attention on the spaghetti and greens. He sighed and finished his meal before they parted ways until the wedding.   
~~  
Jim woke up the next morning, a horrible ache in his head and his heart, he lay on the couch not wanting to wake up and face the problems he had made the night before. His mind was cold and empty and his body was feeling equally horrible after the amount of beers he had drunk. He rubbed his brow and let out a low groan of pain as his hangover sent a new wave of pain to compete with the pain of loss he was feeling. Jim didn’t know whether or not he should be happy or angry that his body was trying to cause him more physical pain to get over the mental anguish he was feeling now. His apartment felt cold and vapid, it felt unfamiliar to the warmth he normally felt from it and he knew why it felt like that now. He sighed and turned on his side away from the window that was letting too much sun in for his taste.   
His mind wandered to the words that he had said last night, he wished he would forget them like he had forgotten every other fight he had had with Spock in a drunken rage. Why had he accused him about forcing an idea onto him? He didn’t think that, or maybe he did and he wasn’t able to admit it to himself when he was sober. He shook his head further into the couch cushions one to get away from the pain of his hangover and two to stray the thoughts that he actually didn’t like listening to his boyfriend speak his opinions. Jim let out a groan of hurt as he remembered the second point of discussion with his boyfriend, the one that insinuated his boyfriend’s leaving. He knew it was true, he wanted the man but it wasn’t like he couldn’t wait and he definitely wouldn’t want to leave his boyfriend afterwards.  
A sound of clanking dishes came from the kitchen which disturbed his line of self-pity. The sounds continued which made the blond slowly pull his head out of the uncomfortable cushions and look over at Spock and his small kitchen. He watched it curiously over the back of the couch, wondering if it really could be who he thought it was. And soon enough a familiar body came into sight from the door frame. Jim quickly bolted from the couch, jumping over the back with a minimum amount of grace; he at least hadn’t fallen on his face.  
It was a quick run to the kitchen where he greeted his boyfriend with a hug that could crush bones. He heard a small noise of discomfort from the Vulcan but he didn’t make any move to separate from the man. He wanted to remember this, it was his second chance and he wasn’t going to waste it. He wouldn’t drink and if he did he wouldn’t let his anger out on the Vulcan like he had done so many times. He took in a breath trying to hold back the tears and the pain of his hangover as he looked at the black haired man who remained completely void of emotions while he watched him.   
“I’m so sorry, Spock. I didn’t mean anything by any of it.” He marveled as he looked at the green tinted skin he had missed so much in the night. He brought a hand to cup the man’s cheek to try and see if he was real, just to make sure it wasn’t a hallucination that his hung over mind was projecting for his own punishment but as he touched the familiar skin he was glad to see it was real, and his boyfriend was really back. He let out a breath of bliss as he leaned on the man’s chest listening to his abnormal heart beat.  
“Jim, I felt that some of your words were true though some may have been brought up in a politer fashion than you had executed last night.” Spock said neatly as he placed a cautious hand on the back of the blond. Jim smiled at the motion. Maybe it all wouldn’t be that bad. Perhaps he hadn’t completely destroyed their relationship. He nodded and fixed his position so he was looking up at the dark haired man. He wasn’t’ much taller than he was, it was only by a few inches that he was taller but he had grown used to it by now so almost every position he could find comfortable.   
“We don’t need to fuck, and I will go to my brother’s wedding. I would really appreciate it though if you came with me though.” He said smiling at the Vulcan who simply nodded in response before explained he was in the middle of finishing their dishes. He nodded slowly and released his grip from around the man’s waist but continued to watch him. He didn’t want to feel like he was going to lose him again. He didn’t want to feel alone like that again, he just wanted Spock to be there with him.   
~~  
Sam’s wedding was a lovely affair, a simple ceremony and the bride was beautiful. Jim grinned the entire time watching his brother who seemed so infatuated the entire time. He looked over at Spock many times during the ceremony expecting any type of reaction from the man about the beauty of the action that was taking place in front of them but the Vulcan seemed little phased by the words that were being said or the way the building was decorated. The walls were adorned with white flowers that gave the entire wedding a classic feeling. He let out a sigh as he returned his attention back to his brother who was now finishing his vows.  
The wedding finished quickly and soon everyone was ushered to the reception which was decorated just as nicely as the wedding was. The chairs were covered in soft white cotton that looked like it had never had a stain on it; he hoped he wouldn’t be the first person to stain them. The cake looked amazing and made him really want a bite, and he was sure he would get some but at the moment he was sure anything could satisfy his hunger. He congratulated his brother before taking his seat and awaited the rest of the festivities to begin so he could get some form of food.   
Eventually the first dance had finished and everyone had received their food, Jim ate half of his meal before there was a soft chanting for toasts at the head table. He smiled awkwardly down at his food before at Spock who nodded simply before returning to his dinner which was a small salad as the chef evidently didn’t get his instruction on making something vegetarian for his boyfriend. He stood up grabbing his wine glass while looked over at his brother who smiled warmly before giving his attention back to his wife.   
“Well, Sam, I can’t say I don’t want to start this with an embarrassing story your beautiful wife hasn’t heard yet, how about the one with the cows and the tractors? Remember everyone who lived near us was furious? But I won’t, I will be good and say something simple as being captain has taught me. Sam, you had a beautiful girlfriend who made you laugh and made your day brighter and that is rare and now she is your wife so I can only say you are the luckiest man in the world. To the bride and groom everyone.” He said smiling at his brother as he took a drink from his glass before returning to his seat and continuing to eat while he listened to Sam’s friends’ speeches which were honestly tacky in his mind.   
Jim turned to Spock who now seemed distracted from his food and was watching the bride and groom. He smiled and leaned closer to the Vulcan hoping to catch the man by surprised but of course the Vulcan had super senses and turned to look at him quickly with an emotionless expression. He smiled and continued to come closer to the man, it was when he could feel the man’s hot breath on his did he place his lips on the Vulcan’s. It was a short lived kiss that he wasn’t actually expecting to last for very long. Spock pressed their lips together, a surprising move as it was normally Kirk who did most of the action.   
Kirk couldn’t help but grin and that ended the kiss for them but Jim thought it was worth it to see a small smile grace the Vulcan’s face before disappearing. He smiled and placed another on the man’s cheek. He looked once more at his brother who looked at them worriedly before returning and smiling to his wife. Jim shook his head thinking how odd it was that the man seemed to be watching him when the number one interest in his mind was supposed to be his wife not him and his boyfriend.   
“Jim, I have something I wish to bring up with you. It is obvious your brother does not care a great deal for me and a theory I have developed it that he feels threatened by my presence and that you will confine more in myself than him.” Spock said drawing his attention away from his brother and onto Spock who seemed to be awaiting the opinion of Jim before he continued any further. Jim first thought the man was joking his brother wouldn’t feel threatened by him but then as he began to think about the looks he was giving them he thought maybe, just maybe he was right.  
“Well, I don’t really care. I want you two to get along because I love both of you. I mean you’re more in a romantic way but you understand, right?” he said simply; nodding and then returning to his food while his boyfriend seemed to be going over options in his mind. He had finished the rest of his meal and was awaiting some of the wedding cake when his boyfriend spoke up once more surprising him immensely as he hadn’t heard the man talking in close to thirty minutes.   
“Jim, I feel the same for you.” Spock said looking at him expectably and then it all came back to him he had just unknowingly told the Vulcan he loved him. Instead of freaking out though he smiled, as it was a big deal that they both cared for each other and that was when he placed his lips on the other man’s. He didn’t care if it angered his brother in some fashion he was happy.   
~~  
Jim was surprised and slightly disappointed to have his R.S.V.P. accepted. He looked at the information on the first card and read it over and over. He awaited until the wedding was soon going to happen, spending every night looking over the information; freaking out about his suit every once and awhile but Spock would quickly bring him back to normal and he would be at the expected level of nervousness that came with his brother whom he hadn’t spoken with in six years inviting him to his wedding. Eventually the day was there though, and Jim was relieved that he was now able to just get it over with. He left the apartment with a sloppy looking tie around his neck and a well-dressed Vulcan by his side. He smiled up at the Vulcan who didn’t give a reaction to his movement. He frowned slightly and turned to look at the floor once more feeling as if he had failed the Vulcan, the feeling had not faded from when the alien left him last time and all he knew was that he wanted to make every millisecond of their conversation that night up.   
The ride to the wedding was nothing really of importance, it passed quickly with a few mumbles about how the other looked good, well Spock said Jim dressed appropriately for a wedding which he took as a compliment. Their silence was one of comfort though at time Jim would feel the idea of talking calling upon him, telling that the silence needed to be broken for their relationship to last and that was when an awkward mumble of words would arise and confuse both of them. It was funny how quickly Spock made to forget that night, Jim didn’t he couldn’t after what he had said to Spock it couldn’t be done. He wouldn’t ever forget those words.  
When they arrived at the place where the wedding was to be held he was surprised to find it was decorated so flamboyantly, he knew this wasn’t his brother’s doing. His brother hated scenes and this looked like everyone who passed needed to slow down to see what was happening. He entered the building cautiously expecting something to jump out at him any moment. His first few steps into the building were quiet and slow with his boyfriend behind him he felt he a bit better and eventually he felt back to normal. His steps were normal as he examined the decoration in the building which was definitely muter than the ones outside. It was all a simple white, the flowers by the alter were a brilliant white and the chairs were covered in a calm white fabric. It all made Jim smile. It probably wasn’t going to be as bad as he thought it was earlier.  
Jim and Spock took their spots and watched the front where his brother was coming out and preparing to see his future wife for the first time that day. He smiled at the sight of his brother. He was dressed in a black suit and over his upper lip was a rather handsome mustache. He almost cracked up when he saw it but he knew that would have been rude and he wanted to avoid confrontation with the man.   
As soon as the wedding began Jim was caught up in the moment forgetting all of his previous qualms. He smiled at the bride who was dressed in a wonderful white gown that swept the floor behind her, he almost cried as they said their vows, and he cheered loudly when they were announced husband and wife. It was all rather amazing, he loved it. He was glad Spock had convinced him to come. He looked up at the man who wasn’t much taller than him and saw a very faint smile on his face, or it could have been how the light was falling on his face but he was going to believe it was a smile. 

The reception was amazing, the food was fantastic and they even had vegetarian options for Spock which made him smile though throughout the entire reception he had the feeling he wanted to talk to his brother. The man had made no move to initiate conversation so he stayed away but still he wanted it. He wanted to know what the man was doing now and how he had fallen in love with such an amazing girl but he remained afraid of what the man would say. He tapped his fingers on the cloth of the table’s cover while looking at his Vulcan love that was focusing on his food with a great amount of precision. He smiled slightly as the man stuffed a lettuce leaf in his mouth and then turned to look at him with an expression void of emotion. 

“Jim, I suggest you speak with your brother. I am not suggesting this to pry but you have been looking forlornly for some time in his direction.” Spock said simply turning to look at the blond who raised his brows at him. He frowned and let out a small noise of discomfort as he picked himself up taller. He felt a small part of his stomach churn as he looked towards his brother that was laughing loudly at some joke a best man had just told. ‘I wished I could have been a best man’ he thought as he swallowed. He looked back at Spock knowing fully well that he was right about the entire situation. 

“I wasn’t looking forlornly.” He said as he sat up from their table, he offered two fingers to the Vulcan which was returned quickly by the black haired alien who looked up at him in an action that showed reassurance for what he was about to do. He took in a breath before stepping around the many tables that blocked him from his brother’s table which was right in the middle of the room. His stomach’s pain slowly grew worse as he approached the now mustached brother of his. He hoped this would go well. 

When he reached the table he hovered awkwardly for a few moments scoping out to make sure no sudden appearances of relatives would arise and after he was positive nothing would happen but possible failure in speaking to his brother who took a step forward and cleared his throat to get his brother’s attention which he got almost immediately. He smiled while running a hand through his blond locks which were placed nicely before he had done that. 

“Hey, Sam-“ he began but he was soon silenced by his brother. The words were quick and enough to tell him where the two of them stood. He swallowed as they came out feeling even worse after they were uttered. 

“What do you want?” his brother said accusingly as he looked him up and down. He felt like he was being judged now for everything that he was and would ever be. He rubbed his hands together awkwardly and looked back towards Spock who was watching him with what he hoped was concern and no disappointment in how he had failed a reunion with his brother.  
“I wanted to congratulate you, Sam, so congrats. Thanks for inviting me.” He said simply trying to get the conversation done with as soon as possible. By the look on his brother’s face he seemed to be thinking the same thing. Jim looked around the table and saw his wife was nowhere near it. He furrowed his brow and looked back at his brother who was still aiming a heavy glare towards him.

“You’re welcome, dick, now please move so I can talk to someone important.” The man said with a hiss in his voice. Jim couldn’t believe that his brother had just said those things to him. It hurt. It really did. He guessed he deserved it but he was expecting something more family and less enemies. He sighed and nodded before removing himself to go find his boyfriend once more and wallow in his self-pity to him like he had done so many times before. 

The rest of the evening passed quickly which Kirk was thankful for but he guessed it was because the beers he had drank, he knew he shouldn’t have but he needed something to give him some relief. It was only two beers and it really made him feel better. He sighed as his boyfriend retired to the restroom as he made his way to the bar where he saw a woman dressed in all white. He raised his brow and moved closer looking at the woman fully. 

It wasn’t much of a surprise to see she was the bride; the gown kind of gave it away. Jim smiled slightly thinking that she was doing the same thing as he was, hiding from Sam but he knew better even when he was drunk not to ask. He took a seat on the barstool across from her and smiled as a way to initiate conversation. He moved to face the woman as he ordered a drink from the bartender which was finished quickly. 

“I’m Aurelan, the bride.” She said simply smiling back at him, Jim couldn’t help but laugh at this. She seemed funny. Of course she had never met her before but he couldn’t help but feel she was a nice person. She just had that shine around her that she was. He looked at the drink in her hand, it wasn’t anything that could get her really drunk so he knew she was sensible but maybe she should be having more fun. It was her wedding night.

“I’m your husband dick brother.” He said raising his glass to the woman who laughed and lifted her drink up with his. They clinked glasses and took a quick sip, well she did. Jim took a lengthy sip and tried to get as much of the alcohol down his throat as he could so Spock wouldn’t be as ashamed of him as he was feeling he already was. 

“I know. I know you are.” She said laughing looking back at her husband who was laughing obnoxiously. Jim glared in his direction before retuning his gaze to the raven haired woman who was watching him with a wide amount of amusement. He was starting to think he was just invited so the woman could laugh at his troubles but hey they were pretty funny. 

“I am so sorry about George. I invited you, he didn’t want anything to do with you but I told him he is your brother you need to make peace before he becomes captain of some starship and gets killed.” She said nodding towards him to exaggerate some point Jim didn’t really understand was there. He smiled slightly at the comment about him being captain of a star ship it definitely made him feel better. 

“Yeah, I only came because my boyfriend said it would be good for me and thanks for the vote of confidence there.” He said glaring slightly at the woman who only laughed again before nodding. This encounter was one he felt he needed. He just wanted to know that at least one good thing could have come from this and he found it. He had an amazing new sister-in-law. He smiled before he saw Spock making his way towards him with slow steps avoiding waiters and some drunken wedding goers. 

“Well, I got to go, my man is coming.” He said before drinking the rest of the beer in his glass and placing it heavily down upon the counter making a loud thud throughout the bar. He hissed slightly at the noise but still made his way over to his boyfriend who noticed him moving and had halted close to the entrance of the bar. 

“I’ll try and speak to my husband about us meeting up some time. Love you, stepbrother.” She said while turning towards him as he met up with Spock. He smiled fondly at her nodding before he followed Spock out of the building and to their car. They drove away with Jim singing loudly to the songs on the radio and Spock remaining quite silent as he drove back to their home.   
~~

When they reached the apartment Jim was still singing loudly and now was dancing to their bed while simultaneously taking off his suit. So by the time he reached the checkered sheet bed he was in just his button up shirt and his underwear. He grinned over at Spock who was slowly removing his own clothing. He was soon face to face with the Vulcan and he could feel the man’s hot breath on his face. He grinned and leaned forward slightly to place their lips on each other.

He grinned as he placed a hand on the Vulcan’s neck in an attempt to deepen the kiss which worked excellently but he was surprised to find the Vulcan was doing his best to deepen the kiss as well. He smiled and crashed their hips into each other. He let out a shaky breath and listened to Spock do the same. 

“We…you don’t want this. I understand, I won’t pressure you.” He said trying to bring his sober and more sensible self up as he the Vulcan in front of him seemed frozen by the words. He watched the man’s brown eyes debate what to do but the movement the Vulcan made surprised him. 

The man picked up his clothes off the floor and left the apartment leaving Jim confused and upset calling after his Vulcan love. He hadn’t done anything, he didn’t think he had. He thought he had done what Spock wanted, he said they could wait which is what he wanted. He groaned and kicked the bed which was a huge mistake as he stubbed his toe and let out a loud swear. He pulled himself onto the bed and fell asleep crying over the Vulcan to return which seemed to be happening more frequently now.


	5. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will happen?

Jim was walking on air after the reveal that Spock had loved him, it made him want to grin and laugh every time he looked at the Vulcan but he composed himself in order to conduct business in a normal fashion though when he visited the Vulcan in his quarters he didn’t hide anything. Spock and he spent a large amount of time pressing their lips and fingers together but it never got farther than that which was curious to Jim, he was suspecting it had something to do with Vulcans so he never tried to pressure. It was just sometimes he wanted more. It was during a heavier make out session when their lips separated and he let out a groan of displeasure. He looked at the Vulcan’s green tinted lips and the way his brown eyes were still half lidded, he smiled slightly at the sight before he slowly backed himself away from the man, he moved his position to a cross-legged sitting position.  
Spock nodded before following him suit and soon they were watching each other from across the bed, a lazy smile on Jim’s face and an expressionless blushing expression on Spock’s. He took in a breath and let his smile grow slightly, enjoying the now comfortable silence. He honestly loved moments like these. His mind drifted to his brother’s wedding when the Vulcan had agreed with him about their love it was an amazing moment that almost completely overshadowed his brother’s wedding.  
“We should get married.” He blurted out after imagining his own wedding to the Vulcan which seemed very plausible. It would be on the ship as it was a large part of his life as was Spock. He could see over his own wedding, he smiled to himself imagining the event not taking notice of the Vulcan across from him considering these words closely. Jim looked at his hands and how expensive some rings would be and that was he was taken away from his fantasy by too very realistic words that left Spock’s green tinted lips.  
“I agree.” The man said as if it was nothing. His eyes shot up immediately to look at the blue shirt who was watching him with a minimum amount of interest as if he hadn’t just been heavily making out with him a few moments ago. Jim took in an excited breath as he watched the brown eyes of the Vulcan watch him. He smiled and placed a quick kiss on the man’s lips as a way of accepting the proposal though he was the one who initiated it.  
“Do you really want to, because we can’t really take it back.” He said as he watched the Vulcan. He didn’t know why he thought the alien would go flaky. Vulcans were some of the most certain people, when they spoke their opinions they stuck with them. He smiled to himself as the Vulcan nodded as a response. He placed another kiss on the man’s lips before extending two fingers towards the first officer who seemed to appreciate the measure.  
~~  
It had been two weeks, there was no contact from Spock whatsoever to Jim, of course after Bones hadn’t spoken with Jim in a while he contacted Spock and only got a few uncertain words about an argument which if Bones was being honest he didn’t believe. After the Vulcan had left before Jim straightened up, he literally was not interesting in going out to bars at all because he was scared once he got back Spock would be gone. He sighed heavily at these words and that was why after two weeks of only getting sick mumbles from the man he decided to visit the blond.  
When he arrived at the apartment he wasn’t expecting it to be clean because after Jim had stopped going to classes he was expecting him to wallow for a while but when he entered the apartment with his spare key, that he had made after the last time Jim got drunk and couldn’t get in himself, he wasn’t expecting to find the terribly cluttered sight that was there. All around the floor there were blankets and pillows, books were thrown and trash from fast food restaurants littered the ground. He shook his head as he took in a breath and thought he smelt two week old eggs but he didn’t know where the scent was coming from.  
He took cautious steps further into the apartment trying to find any sight of the blond who used to be so confident. Bones growled as he stepped on a hamburger from some fast food joint he hadn’t been to in years, he was going to kill Jim after he helped him. It didn’t take Bones very long to locate the man after noticing a quick shuffle under some pillows and blankets and a familiar blue eye look out from under one at him before it ducked away again quickly.  
He grumbled as he took quick steps over to the small fort. He crouched beside the pillow fort that was covered in the familiar checkered sheet that used to be the one that lay on the bed. He looked up at the bed before trying to make an entrance into the fort. He wondered how long it had been since the man had a proper sleep.  
“This is a lot is pillows. I didn’t even know you had this many pillows.” He said as he crawled into the fort to see a very well built small building and in the corner in the fetal position under a hello kitty blanket was Jim. He knew not to laugh at the situation no matter how funny the student looked wrapped in a hello kitty blanket while in the fetal position but he knew that he was hurting and the last thing he needed was someone making fun of him. He moved closer and crossed his legs so he could sit comfortably while talking to Jim.  
“Jim, I’m going to need you to think critically right now. Your grades are failing and you are getting nowhere wallowing, so maybe we should talk abo-is that a cat?” Bones started as he looked at the blond who had his eyes shut tightly as if he was trying to drowned out the sound of his voice by closing his eyes, he sighed at first until he heard a soft meow and that drew his attention to the corner of the fort where a rather large cat was yawning, looking as if he was just waking up.  
“When did you get a cat?” he asked the body that still had yet to give him and answer to anything he had said. He looked back at the blond ignoring the cat for the moment. The blond was watching the cat with one eye and McCoy thought at least he had gotten him to open his eyes. He considered it an achievement until the man let out a gross sob and began to cry into the pillow fort walls.  
“I don’t know! I don’t know anything, there is a cat and all this shit on the floor. And I fucking miss him, I wouldn’t have a mysterious fucking cat if he was here, Bones!” the man shouted while tears traced down the man’s cheek. Bones swallowed and placed a comforting hand on the man’s shoulder, he knew he should have expected something like this to happen when he visited him but for some reason he was expecting him to just be drunk which he definitely wasn’t right now.  
“Jim, Jim, listen to me, explain to me what happened between the two of you.” He demanded while looking over the blond who seemed to quiet down before letting out a high pitched whine and returned to his sobbing. He took in a breath and tried to calm himself before he began shouting at the blond who was beginning to get on his nerves and yet he was still worried for him; he had to think more on how Jim and his’ relationship worked.  
“We were coming home after the wedding and I was kissing him and he was kissing me and then I told him we didn’t have to screw and he left. I don’t know what I did, I thought he would like that he’s always been more resistant about that. I just don’t know.” Jim said and sobbed moving closer to Bones and crying into his coat. He frowned at the slobber that was not on his coat. He looked up to the roof of the pillow fort in a way to show his anger about that before returning to try and comfort his friend.  
“This isn’t your fault, it’s the hobgoblin’s. Trust me, if it was your fault I would be ignoring you as well but it isn’t.” McCoy said to try and comfort the man, hoping it would work and he at least got him to stop sobbing into his coat which was nice but the man seemed oddly off as he picked himself up and sniffed after crying. He placed a hand on the man’s shoulder and rubbed circles on it to try and comfort the man though he wasn’t positive how well it worked.  
Bones stayed with Jim the entire day finding old movies to distract the man and ordering pizza for the both of them and then he cleaned while the man rested on the couch. He was glad the man was finally getting some real sleep, and it gave Bones the perfect opportunity to call the person who had caused all this trouble. He called the man and awaited his call, and he was slowly growing more and more irrationally angry towards the man as time passed.  
“Hello.” The Vulcan said on the other line simply as if his heart wasn’t breaking which made Bones feel sick but then he recalled Vulcan’s were different than humans. Maybe he was suffering in his own Vulcan way. He took in a breath before moving towards the kitchen so he could yell and not wake the blond on the couch.  
“I don’t care for what Vulcan reason you decided to leave Jim but you better get your green blooded ass back here quick because he is not doing well, he is running an actual fever, he isn’t eating anything healthy, and he has a damn cat living with him which neither of us know where it came from.” He said angrily glaring even though he knew the Vulcan could not see his facial expression maybe he was just hoping his glare would be so powerful the man could feel it through the phone. He didn’t know but he knew he was angry.  
“McCoy, Jim and mine’s relationship is hardly considered your busi-“Spock said but that made Bones angry. Those words and how emotionless they were. He didn’t give a shit about their relationship, who the fuck was here now? Picking up the pieces of Jim’s heart that Spock had just thrown away.  
“You know what, Spock? I hope he never fucking talks to you again because that would mean something good happens to you. I don’t see your ass here apologizing for making him this sick or fucking leaving him when he was just not forcing you into sex. Goddammit, man! You need to get a hold on what is important.” He said before hanging up and throwing the phone onto the counter from anger. He couldn’t stand talking to Vulcans. He ran a hand through his hair before returning to continue cleaning the apartment for Kirk who definitely needed some help with his life at the moment.  
~~  
The wedding came fast, and it surprised Jim even though he was the one who had planned the event it just seemed like it needed to happen before another alien vessel attacked their ship and caused a flurry of awful things to happen. Following this idea Jim planned the event, inviting or at least trying to invite everyone on the ship to the wedding. It proved impossible as Spock pointed out they would not all fit in the chapel so he just went with some of his best friends on the ship, hoping the rest of the crew wouldn’t mind and as McCoy said it ‘They are probably glad so they don’t have to watch the two of you make out.’ And he quickly said Spock didn’t make out because he was a Vulcan and the act was frivolous even though they had done it at which Leonard said something about him spending too much time with his fiancé because he was beginning to act like him. Jim only laughed as a response before telling him when the wedding was to be held then he went off because he had a lot of other things to attend to for the wedding ceremony.  
It was the day of the wedding and Jim had dressed himself in the fine fabric of his formal uniform out of lack of having anything nicer. His room felt warm now as he buzzed with excitement, he hadn’t expected to find love of this ship and he definitely didn’t expect to be getting married on the ship either. There would most likely be another wedding that would need to be held for Spock and his parents, he knew his would want to see the wedding and meet the actually man he had fallen in love with instead of just reading mail he had sent about his relationship. He swallowed thickly the butterflies in his stomach fluttering uncontrollably as he stepped out of his room, thinking of it like a symbolic gesture that he was now stepping out of his ordinary life and starting a newer exciting one.  
Once he reached the chapel he wasn’t surprised at all to see all the rest of the guests had arrived as he knew most of them as being early birds, and well he may have said the wedding was starting sooner than it was actually agreed upon beginning. He looked around the chapel it had the same metal walls of every other part in the ship but it was much nicer in the room with flowers decorating the walk way up to the pedestal where Spock and he would be married. He looked out the door for a moment, catching a glimpse of the passing crew members that barely seemed to notice him. He thought it was funny, this huge thing in his life was happening now but in their lives it was nothing but a small event. No one sets the time down as a big accomplishment in their life when their captain gets married but it was for him one of the biggest deals of his life. It went along side becoming captain of the Enterprise, which was one of the largest things that had ever happened to him.  
He took in a breath and tried to calm himself as he suddenly felt flighty. He knew this is what he wanted. Why was he so nervous though? He looked quickly over at the pedestal Spock had yet to arrive, he wondered if he was feeling like he was like this was the most exciting yet the most terrifying thing they were ever going to do in their lives. He rubbed his hands together and licked his lips trying to get the strength to walk over the threshold of the chapel and begin this new life. ‘Dammit’ he thought to himself as he stared at the opened doors, wondering why it was so hard for him to take that step.  
Jim jumped in his place before taking that step knowing there was no turning back now even though turning back was never an option before either. He couldn’t very well leave the uncaptained and go out into space to live a life in a colony on some planet somewhere. Jim smiled to himself as he finally accepted where he was now, happy. He looked around at the flowers and the guests and everything just read that this moment was right. That this moment was going to happen and be the best thing that ever happened to him. He grinned.  
The rest of the time was spent in a large worry as the Vulcan still had not arrived. He moved awkwardly in the back avoiding conversation with the doctor and the Scottish chief engineer. His focus was fully on finding out why Spock seemed like he was going to ditch him. He shifted from one foot to the other looking from the door to the pedestal where there was no sign of anyone it either. He cursed to himself as he turned to look at the back of the chapel, taking in heavy breaths as he did so. He needed to just calm down then everything would fall into order. He took in another deep breath, it felt calm. It took all his stress away as the air escaped his lips. He closed his eyes and that was when the opening of the electronic doors of the Enterprise opened. He turned quickly and saw Spock dressed in his formal uniform, looking just stunning. Jim knew there was most likely nothing new about the man’s appearance, he had the same hair, the same pointed ears, and the same brown eyes. He just seemed much more graceful now, like he was glowing. He smiled it must be something from the excitement of his day and what Spock and he were to be after a few uttered words.  
The wedding passed without a hitch, he walked up the aisle, a very stupid human tradition but he did it anyway. He wasn’t as glowing as a bride dressed all in white, her gown being the most dazzling article of clothing anyone at that wedding had ever set eyes upon but the faint smile he saw play on Spock’s lips and the flicker of wonder that danced in his eyes made him feel just like that bride. He smiled and continued the rest of his trek up the aisle with the inflated idea that Spock and his love was the best in the universe and wouldn’t be topped.  
When he reached the pedestal he took quick steps up the stairs realizing he shouldn’t have much such an abrupt clamber up the steps but it was too late for that moment as he looked up at Spock’s almond brown eyes that were now showing more emotion than he had ever seen in them. He was sure his were equally as ecstatic but his entire body was showing signs of nerves and excitement so he didn’t know how much of it was left for his eyes. He nodded at his first officer with a smile and the officiator began recited the words out of his book with a minimum amount of interest focused on the two who were watching each other forlornly.  
“I do.” He uttered the words feeling at home on his tongue as they left and once they were in the air they rang in the ears of everyone around them in the chapel. They shared the idea of his love for Spock, his devotion to the Vulcan who soon uttered the same words and they met his in the air and they mingled ringing together like the perfect song. He smiled at his feet before looking at the Vulcan who was watching him with a large amount of interest. He couldn’t help but feel himself feeling perfect at this moment, everything was going amazingly. His life with Spock was just beginning and he didn’t even feel he needed the rest of the words from the officiator, he heard the two most important words fall from the Vulcan’s evergreen tinted lips, I do.  
“You may now kiss each other.” The man said clapping his books closed with a loud bang before Jim’s lips met Spock hurriedly, like this kiss had been battling and fighting escape the entire event and he was sure it had been. He wanted to take a breath but as he feared once it ended it would be ended for good, even though a better time of his mind was telling him this was the first of many. Many kisses that he and the beautiful green tinted Vulcan would share in the warmth of the sun, in the cool of the Enterprise, and in the comfort of their bed. He separated their lips listening to the faint sound of retraction as it was shrouded under the sound of clapping coming from the guests they had invited to the wedding, people he had forgotten were there after he set eyes up his love. He swallowed and smiled the butterflies in his stomach having soared and left him. He turned to look at the black haired man. He extended two fingers towards the man, figuring the man deserved his own kiss. He appreciated this one as well. It was hard to imagine how the placing of two fingers together would be considered romantic but he somehow got the idea now as he shared the touch of the Vulcan.  
The event soon moved towards the recreational room where almost all parties were held even though they rarely happened on the Enterprise. This was their reception, it was decorated like the chapel with flowers that looked bright and he wondered how they remained so vibrant on the space ship and marked the question down as something to ask Sulu. The food was brought to them by the replicators which were very distasteful, he wanted real food but there wasn’t much they could do on the ship that was not supplied with an actual working kitchen or any storage for the food. He suffered through the cubes listening to everyone around the table chatter. Spock and his fingers still touching, he wondered if this was some prolong kiss or if it was some Vulcan way of holding hands. He would chance a look every once and awhile at the Vulcan who seemed to be more interested in him than anything happening around them.  
Jim smiled faintly wanting to say something but his words were drowned out by the uproar happening at the end of the table where Scotty had evidently let something slip in his happy state which made everyone who heard the words take a quick intake of breath, though lieutenant Uhura seemed the most shocked by the words but it slowly melted into a comfortable smile aimed towards the Scotsman who blushed and began poking around his food. Jim smiled hoping the words that the chief engineer had said would soon be uttered to him but soon everyone returned to their food and it seemed futile to ask what had happened. Eventually though words began to rise on the lips of his crew at the table, they all mended into one word as time passed. ‘Speech, speech, speech.’ They cheered loudly smiling at the two of them at the end of the table. Jim was the first to relent and rise slowly from his spot, offering both his hands by placing them up as if in defeat, though he actually found no stress in the situation.  
“I really wished we had some real food here for this so I’m going to apologize for that first and then thank you all for coming because this has been the most important thing that has happened to me and I feel I needed every one of you all in your own ways to get me here, and now, Spock, my love, you are the leader in the important things in my life, though getting actual food is coming in fast.-” He joked at the end smiling at the Vulcan who seemed little phased by the words, he sighed and continued though words seemed to be failing him as he tried to think of the love he shared with the man. It wasn’t a normal love, it was important, it was a defining moment in his life and he wanted to share that.  
“Let me just say simply, Spock, you are the butter to my bread.” He said happily picking up his champagne glass and raising it slightly as everyone else at the table did before taking a small sip. It was a small clutter of noises as everyone seemed to retire but then Spock said something. It was something Kirk felt was too quiet for anyone but him to hear but the heads that turned in their direction seemed to tell differently.  
“And you are the breath to my life.” The Vulcan stated as if it was a fact but the words meant so much and Jim felt his stomach drop as his life grew more and more amazing. It felt like it was something that was so amazing, the words that meant Spock cared equally as much as he did about him. He swore he felt so foolish for now talking about food in his speech instead of their love. He smiled and placed a quick kiss on the man’s lips which earned them a few woots and a very soft grumble from the doctor but even that sounded like he was appreciating the fact that each of them loved each other.  
~~  
Jim was sleeping uncomfortably on the couch, the cushions had been removed and replaced sloppily by his best friend so they were not the best spot to sleep but now he felt calm. Not in the sense his life was in order but in the sense he understood now how it was and why it was. All had some sense to it until he got to the night Spock left nothing of that encounter made sense, it didn’t make sense that they were both rocking their hips together while both slapping their lips together. He might have been drunk but he could remember when he boyfriend was not acting normal and he wasn’t there. He was acting surprisingly human. He turned awkwardly on the makeshift bed on his couch and listened to the low grumble that could only be coming from one person. He lifted his head, his blond locks looking awful from days of no cleaning and now having been slept on. The doctor in training almost immediately took note of his watching and turned his attention towards him, and he was surprisingly calm complaining only about Spock and school. He didn’t say anything about Jim who looked like an emotional wreck at that current moment.  
“I called Spock and I told him to get his Vulcan ass here but I mean he could have meant he was going to come over but he was just-I don’t know how you deal with him, Jim.” The man said as he sat down on the couch next to him. He wondered how long the man had been there, cleaning his apartment and watching over him while he slept. It made him feel safe to have a friend like Bones. He nodded and didn’t say a word, his lips felt sick. Sick of sobbing and sick of speaking, all he wanted to do was lay down. He felt like he was drowning. He fought back uttering the words that he really didn’t know how to deal with Spock and that was why he left but knowing himself he remained silent, hoping the tears would stop coming if he just willed them away.  
Jim swallowed and lay down on the couch once more wanting to rest again, it was really the only place he felt he had control. In his dreams he could be with Spock without fear of losing him unless it was to some crazy clown that he had the power to destroy if he wished it. He was taken out of his laying position by Bones who slapped him roughly on the arm and told him to help him clean which he didn’t want to do at all as he looked around at the mess he had made in the two weeks he had been alone without Spock. He shook his head and soon began to lower again but Bones soon made it apparent it wasn’t an option by getting up and pulling him of the couch. He groaned at the new position on the floor while McCoy told him he was going to get more garbage bags and he needed Jim to start taking apart the pillow fort and putting the pillows in the appropriate places.  
He groaned but pulled himself up from the floor at looked at the pillow fort that was his sanctuary for the last two weeks. He wondered what would happen if the fort was taken down. Would he lose that last part of sanity along with the pillows that were losing their place in the fort? Would he slowly build more confidence and realize he doesn’t need to wallow in pain at the loss of his boyfriend. He stared at the pillow fort, now taking it as a sign of the future. If he could take down this fort and see the truth in his situation maybe he could survive, and who was saying the pillow fort didn’t hold that.  
Bones left him quickly after he was up and he began work on the fort, starting where Bones had removed the pillow cushions. He pulled out the extra pillows from the couch tossing them into one of the neater corners of the apartment and then began pulling off his checkered blanket from the top. He ran his hands over the fabric remembering the nights Spock and he had shared in the blanket, he brought the pillow to his nose and tried to catch the scent of the Vulcan that had let him but no familiar scent other than himself was on the sheet. He frowned and threw the blanket onto the bed and began work on the rest of it and that was when he found his new cat. He still had yet to give it a name, he figured it was a neighbors but none of them made a sign to show that had lost a cat so he guessed he was his now. He dropped down to his knees and ran a hand over the cat’s fur. It felt nice on his fingers.  
“It’s just going to be me and you for a while, sweetie.” He said half comforted by the cat’s low purring but half worried that he would lose the cat too. He could be taken away from him by the owner’s or even he would just leave him like everyone else seemed to do. He sighed and picked the cat up much to the displeasure of the animal. He apologized and began to pet it to soothe its growl of discomfort.  
A rustling at the door was heard Jim quickly looked at it stopping in his place his hand still slowly petting the cat in his arms. He sighed imagining Bones hadn’t grabbed his keys and locked himself outside the apartment. He dropped the cat that quickly scurried away into the kitchen where he had evidently set up food for it. He didn’t recall it and wondered if he had gotten drunk at some point that week and set it up without remembering. Jim looked at his feet which were feeling cold at the moment but he made his way to the door, opening and almost immediately feeling like he was in a dream of some sort.  
Spock was standing there in the same clothes he had been wearing when he left, the suit looked worn. He questioned where the man had been sleeping the past two weeks because he hadn’t picked up any new clothes and it was obvious the man had been sleeping in the suit. He remained silent as the man watched him. They both seemed to be caught at vulnerable moments, lost in each other, having missed each other for such a long time.  
“Jim, may I come in and explain to you why I left so abruptly the night of your brother’s wedding?” the man asked calmly placing his hands behind his back while he waited for Jim to respond. The blond was lost of course. He hadn’t been expecting to see the Vulcan in a long time. He wished he had Bones here to shut the door in his face for him because he didn’t have the courage. He nodded slowly and let the man into their once shared apartment. The man surveyed the apartment with raised brows, probably at the mess that Jim had made while he was gone. The Vulcan though was soon taken out of his daze by a hiss form the floor. Jim immediately shushed the cat that was glaring up at the Vulcan. He wondered what Spock had done to upset the cat that still had to be named.  
“I did not realize you were a cat person.” Spock said turning his attention away from the cat that was still watching him with judgmental eyes that cats almost always had equipped they just seemed more intense now. Jim shrugged still unable to find words to speak to the man. He looked at the black haired man calmly trying to get an understanding on why he was here without getting lost in the man’s brown eyes.  
“I feel I left you without any real conclusion and I feel I should share it with you. I have felt myself growing more attached to you as time has passed, Jim, it felt more prominent the one night we went drinking and it has been growing since. I have felt protective over you at every word someone said to you and the night of your brother’s wedding I was going deeper into a relationship I had no meditated about. I was going off of my human instincts as we kissed but now I have had the proper amount of time to evaluate us, and after a less than comforting call from your friend, Leonard, I made the drive here to apologize and ask a question that had been stuck with me for some time.” Spock explained, it all really confused Jim. He didn’t know why the man couldn’t just come to him and talk. He wasn’t that hard to talk to. He sighed and nodded trying to go along, his voice box felt as if he spoke it might crack or that he would break into another sob so he was not going to risk it.  
“Jim, will you marry me?” the Vulcan brought up giving the blond no time to think as his eyes widened and he let out an actual sob as he looked at the man. He covered his mouth to try and stop the noise from escaping. He wasn’t expecting that. He felt tears running down his cheeks as Spock pulled out a pair of silver bands. He sobbed which seemed to concern the Vulcan, at least from the small amount of expression on the man’s face he figured he was worried.  
“Yeah.” He said nodding while extending a shaky hand towards the Vulcan who placed the ring on expertly before placing his hands behind his back. He furrowed his brow and brought his lips to the other man’s who didn’t seem to be expecting it. He grinned and caressed the man’s cheek with his thumb and that was when he heard a disgruntled meow and groan from the entrance where Bones was watching with an angry expression aimed towards Spock.


End file.
